Dudley's Dilemna
by crouchingbunny
Summary: Dudley's girlfriend is visiting for a few weeks during the summer, it just turns out that she may have the hots for Harry more than for Dudley. It also happens that Harry doesn't want anything to do with her.
1. The Girlfriend

_Authors Note_: All right, meet Dudley's girlfriend Suzie. A little humor fic with possibly six or seven chapters of fun. Have fun reading it, because I've deffinetaly had fun writing it. Suzie is a fun character to write, please leave a review. -Crouchingbunny.

--- --- --- --- ---

It was 6:31 p.m. in the dining room of number 4 Privet Drive, Petunia Dursley was waiting anxiously for her Darling Dudders to arrive. But this wasn't just Dudley coming home for the summer as usual. This time his girlfriend would be coming to spend a few weeks with them.

"Petunia. What did you say her name was again?" Vernon asked from his spot in the large burgundy arm chair.

"Suzannah dear, Suzannah Piper," Petunia said looking away from the window for the first time in ten minutes. "From what Dudders tells me she's a very nice girl from Little Elm, who goes to Virginia's School for Girls across the street. Her family owns a furniture store in London." Vernon who had gone back to reading the paper looked up at this new revelation.

"Furniture store in London, aye?" he asked.

"Yes. They even have their own catalogue, Pipers Pips and Tips for Home Decorating," said Petunia. "Dudley sent me a catalogue a few weeks past, it seems very fancy for just a 'regular' business."

"Well she seems pretty well endowed Petunia. Let's just hope that Dudley has found someone that's nice to look at as well as she is financially," he said before returning too his newspaper. Petunia heard a car coming down the road and immediately raced to the window. Too her disappointment it wasn't Dudley's car, but a well oiled street racer with orange stripes going down the sides with Skulls at the top of each light. It's music blared a rap song that echoed off the walls of the Dursley's home.

"Hooligans," Vernon said folding his newspaper in half. "The lot of them should be banned from the streets, if I had any say in it," he said squeezing his enormous bulk out of the burgundy arm chair and walking to the window to observe the scene. "We're just lucky our Dudley doesn't run with that crowd. Not like that… _boy_,… that _creature _that lives in our house all summer." Vernon's hands tensed around the folded newspaper and the blood started rushing to his face making his mustache stand out against the vivid violet red of his jowls. "Eating _our_ food… walking up and down _our _stairs… waking _us_ up in the middle of the night with _his_ screaming…" each time he paused in his sentence he began to tear the paper.

"Now now Honey," Petunia began patting her husbands hand she took the ruined newspaper and put it in the large pocket of her apron, "Lets not get all worked up before Dudders gets home." She took his arm and led him too the couch. "Don't worry, he probably died this year at that school of his and we'll never have to see him again," she said.

"If only I could be sure Petunia," Vernon persisted wiping his forehead. "That boy has been a thorn in my side for fifteen years. FIFTEEN YEARS!" Vernon's face went from violet purple to red to almost white in a matter of seconds.

"Now Honey don't get so upset!" Petunia said frantically fluffing a pillow behind her husbands head.

"I just don't know if I can take it anymore Petunia," he said wiping his brow, "I liked to have had a heart attack last year when… you know," he said. As if recalling and talking about the tongue incident with Dudley and that ridiculous red haired buffoon was even more terrible than remembering it. Already his face became even whiter.

"Now now honey it's all going to be all better. He won't even be back until after Suzannah is gone and she won't even be any the wiser." At this particular moment a car drove into their driveway and Petunia torpedoed to the window. "It's Dudley! My ickle Duddy Dinkerkins is back!" She ran to the door, smoothed her apron down and unlocked the it.

--- --- --- --- ---

"I hope your parents are home Dudley," said Suzannah squinting at the house through her made-possible-by-mabelline lashes.

"Trust me, they're there. I saw my Mum peeking through the blinds when we drove up," said Dudley. Suzannah laughed and twirled a piece of her blonde hair around a French tipped finger.

"Your Mum sounds delightful," she said pulling down the mirror for last minute touch ups.

"You'll love her," Dudley said unlocking the doors and turning off the car.

"I know I will, just like you," she said putting a finger on his nose and lightly pressing it like a button. Dudley laughed and they locked lips for a brief second. Suzannah applied a fresh layer of light pink lip gloss. "Let's go," she said and opened the car door.

--- --- --- --- ---

"Dudley my boy your back!" Vernon Dursley said as he embraced his son. Dudley towered over his father a good foot as he slapped him on the back in welcome.

"Hello Mrs. Dursley," Suzannah said hugging Petunia, "Pleased to meet you!"

"Oh we're glad Dudley finally decided to let us meet you! I've heard so much about you Suzannah," said Petunia as she hugged her son's girlfriend.

"Like wise Mrs. Dursley, and call me Suzie, it's less of a mouthful," she said.

"Of course, and you call me Petunia," she said, "We have dinner waiting, Dudley and Vernon can unload your bags after we've had a spot to eat." Petunia lead Suzannah too the table and they all sat down to eat a medley of sea food and steak.

--- --- --- --- ---

"And then I gave him a solid uppercut to the jaw and it knocked him four feet in the air and into the ref," Dudley said demonstrating with a piece of shrimp in his hand.

"Ha ha! That's my boy!" Vernon said clapping his son on the back.

"Yes, Dudley's the Area Champion in Senior boxing," Suzie said squeezing Dudley's hand.

"Suzie, what's been happening at your school dear?" Petunia asked meeting the girls blue eyes.

"Well, I'm on the dance team. We made second in District and fourth in area, we've had a really good year," she continued sipping tea. HONK HONK HONK! The sound of someone honking in the driveway made Vernon choke on his tea and Petunia nearly drop the tea pot.

"Who on earth-" Petunia said peeking through the blinds. "Oh my word! Vernon!" She shouted forgetting that Dudley's girlfriend was sitting right beside her. But there was cause for her sudden shouting. Sitting right in their driveway…

--- --- --- --- ---

In the driveway of number four Privet Drive was a purple 59 Chevy Apollo with orange and red fire painted on the sides reading in blaring hot pink letters 'Hot Stuff'. The car was moving up and down on its hydraulics and the music blaring from it was so loud that it shook the very neighborhood's foundation. The Dursley's and Suzannah were crowded out on their front porch watching open mouthed at the car. But it wasn't just the car that had stopped, it was the people who were in the car that was making Vernon's face turn a deep shade of violet purple.

Inside the car were four red haired teenagers and a familiar black haired boy of fifteen. One of the red haired boys was hanging out the side of the hot rod yelling at another red haired boy who was helping Harry get his trunk out of the back of the car.

"Do not scratch the paint Ronald! If you do we might have to put something _unpleasant_ in your bed, right George?" Said the red head at the drivers seat.

"Yeah ickle Ronnie-poo, be careful," said the other red haired twin.

"How many times do I have to tell you it was an accident? You fixed it in practically a second anyway," said the first red haired boy getting a caged owl out of the cars trunk.

"If you do it again, it'll take Madame Pomfrey more than a second to fix _you_, now hurry up we've got to get home or Mum'll have our head," said the one in the drivers seat.

"Yeah yeah I heard you," said the boy with the owl.

"Bye Harry!" said a red haired girl in the back seat waving. Harry waved back at her.

"Bye Ginny," he said pulling his trunk up the grassy yard.

"Yeah bye Harry," said George.

"Remember if you need anything," said Fred,

"Yeah, I'll write," Harry said smiling.

As Harry and Ron approached the porch Vernon's face was becoming steadily more purple, Suzannah seemingly attracted to the 59 Apollo smiled and turned to Dudley. "Who is _that_? I didn't know we were expecting more of your family!" Dudley put his arm around Suzannah and pulled her a little closer, out of the firing range of his father.

"What…are… you… doing… here?" Vernon said through clenched teeth as Harry stopped to stand in front of him. He wasn't as tall as Dudley but he was still a head and a half taller than his uncle.

"You're not going to welcome me home?" Harry asked sarcastically.

"Bye Harry," Ron said setting down the caged owl on the porch next to Suzannah's stilettoed sandals.

"Bye Ron," Harry said without turning around.

"Oh how cute!" said Suzannah kneeling down to examine the snowy white owl in the cage. "She's adorable!" Harry glanced down for a second at Hedwig before returning his gaze to his uncles.

"Get inside _now_," Vernon said jabbing his finger at the door. The 59 Apollo revved and flew down the street seemingly disappearing before it turned the curb.

"Here, I'll help," Suzannah said picking up Hedwig's cage from the knob at the top of her cage.

"We were just eating dinner… Harry," Vernon winced as Petunia said Harry's name. Harry took the cage from Suzannah without even looking at her.

"Thanks," he said and walked through the door into the Dursley's living room.

"Well he seems nice," said Suzannah to Dudley as they headed back into the house. "Why didn't you tell me you had a brother?"

"He's not my brother," he said a little too quickly.

"Then what is he?" she asked putting an arm around his waist.

"He's my cousin," he said.

"Well-"

"Dudley, Suzie the shrimp is getting cold," Mrs. Dursley's voice called from the dining room.

"We'll talk later about Harry, right now I'm starving."

--- --- --- --- ---

**_PRESS_ THE _REVIEW_ BUTTON! _YOU_ KNOW _YOU _WANT_ 2_!**


	2. Mrs Crewman

Authors Note: Sorry for the delay in todays chapter, something came up yesterday and I wasn't able to update. I'll be making updates every other day, thankyou to all of the reviewers. Keep up the good work ;). Onto the chapter! -Crouchingbunny.

--- --- --- --- ---

The rest of supper was oddly quiet, well Vernon was oddly quiet. His face had faded from violet purple to the usual red. Although the only movement that could be seen was the occasional chewing of a piece of shrimp that he had had in his mouth for the past twenty minutes.

"Is your father okay?" Suzannah whispered to Dudley under her breath.

"Yeah… he's just-" Dudley began.

"So Suzie, what do you think about going to Skorsky's tomorrow for a girls day out?" Petunia asked Suzannah. Suzannah looked at Mrs. Dursley, not to be mean at all but she didn't exactly look like she would fit in at Skorsky's.

"I'm sorry Mrs. Dursley, but Dudley and I already have plans to go ice skating tomorrow, maybe another time?" She said sweetly.

"Of course," Petunia said, "How about on Friday?"

"Sure Mrs. Dursley," Suzannah said.

"Petunia, dear," Mrs. Dursley said.

"I'm sorry," Suzannah jumped as Mr. Dursley started to talk she had forgotten that he was even there. "I'm not feeling well Petunia, I'm going to go and lie down," he said scooting back from the table and not bothering even to push his chair in.

"I hope you feel better Mr. Dursley," Suzannah said to Vernon. He turned around a pained look on his face, one of his hands over his lower stomach. A small broken looking smile swam to his face before he nodded and exited the kitchen closing the door behind him. Petunia made a mental note to bring him the Pepto-Bismol after dinner was over with, having Harry in the house gave him diarrhea. Vernon was usually in the loo all night after the boy came home. The rest of dinner was held silently over the goings on at Dudley's school and polite questions about Suzannah's family.

"Excuse me, Aunt Petunia?" came a voice at the door of the kitchen. They all looked up and saw Harry standing in the doorway. He had been so quiet they hadn't even heard him come down the stairs. Petunia's eyes flicked for a second to Suzannah before smiling sickly at her nephew.

"What is it… _dear_?" She asked. Harry looked mildly surprised at his Aunt's unusual behavior, before his look faded back into something slightly sorrowful.

"Is Uncle Vernon all right?" He asked walking to the refrigerator and opening the door. Petunia winced slightly as he touched her spotlessly clean refrigerator door. She was distracted for a second at the thought of those dirty potion making fingers touching her refrigerator that there was a moments delay in her reply.

"He isn't feeling well, I think it's that sushi we ate at the Tomlinson's house-warming party last night. He's been complaining about it all day," she lied. Harry picked out a can of grape soda and opened it. His gaze swept lightly over Suzannah questioning who she was but not wanting to voice it. She smiled brightly at him.

"Hello, I'm Suzannah," she said standing up and offering her hand. Harry finished his drink and put the grape soda back in the refrigerator. Petunia winced as her nails dug into the table. Harry took in the perfect French tips the shimmery light pink lip gloss and the blue jean mini skirt.

"I'm er, Harry," he said letting go of her hand. She smiled again.

"I didn't know Dudley had a cousin until a few minutes ago," she said tilting her head towards Dudley.

"Oh… well now you know," Harry said awkwardly. The sound of a chair scraping against the kitchen floor made Harry look at his cousin. Dudley put his hands on Suzannah's shoulders and she looked up into his face as he came up behind her.

"She's _my_ girlfriend," said Dudley. The emphasis on '_my_' was very slight, but did not escape the notice of Harry who raised his eyebrows in question.

"Well Suzannah, it was very… er, nice to meet you," he said before leaving the kitchen shrugging. Petunia pushed her chair away from the table.

"Well, I had better clean up and go and check on Vernon," she said picking up the plates and taking them to the sink.

"Here, let me help you Mrs. Dursley," Suzannah said picking up her glass and Dudley's and putting them in the sink with the other dishes. Petunia was all for her son's girlfriend being nice, but _she_ did the dishes. Always.

"No that's quite alright dear," she said wanting them to leave her kitchen so she could disinfect the dishes in peace.

"It's really no trouble Mrs. Dursley," said Suzannah walking over to the table again.

"Actually I thought you might want to unpack your things, dear," Petunia said. "It must have been a long drive from the air port," Dudley seemed to take the hint. He grabbed Suzannah's hand.

"Let's go and get your bags Suz," he said giving her the 'look'. Suzannah smiled and let Dudley lead her out of the dining room.

--- --- --- --- ---

"Your mum is positively adorable," Suzannah said to Dudley as she leaned against the shiny side of the silver Mercedes in the street lights.

"She likes you too," Dudley said making a mental note to tell her about his Mum's cleaning habits after they got back inside. He got both of Suzannah's suitcases out of the trunk hoisting them each in front of him.

"It's only eight thirty Dudley, let's go dancing," she said taking his hand. A little look of resistance shown for a second in Dudley's eyes at the thought of dancing, even if it was with Suzannah. "We could even invite Harry if that makes you feel better, I know you must really be wanting to catch up with him."

"Why would I-" Dudley began to say, "Actually I was wanting to stay home and catch up with my parents."

"Oh," she said, the light in her eyes faded for a second and then brightened back up. "Well we can go dancing some other time, it's not every day that you get to see your family." Dudley smiled and dropped her suitcases. He swept Suzannah up in a hug and kissed her. Little did they know, that at that very moment someone was watching them. Someone that could mean no good. Someone that just drank this up with her cup of coffee. Mrs. Crewman, the Dursley's next door neighbor. Busy body extraordinaire, and Petunia Dursley's arch nemesis.

"Joanna, what time is it?" asked Mr. Crewman from the kitchen table.

"Eight forty-two dear," she said not taking her eyes from the canoodling couple across the fence.

"What are you looking at?" her husband asked.

"Nothing dear, it's just an alley cat," she said, already she was forming a plan. A plan that would set Petunia Dursley into fits of mothers rage. Of course not all of it was directed at Petunia, she still held a grudge for the round blonde boy that used to stomp in her iris patch and blame it on that skinny black haired boy.

"Again?" her husband said interrupting her plotting.

"Yes dear," she said closing the blinds with a snap as the couple walked back into the house.

--- --- --- --- ---

"I'm going to go get my suitcase," Dudley said to Suzannah, she smiled and reluctantly let go of his hand. Dudley went out the door smiling. Petunia watched all of this from the loveseat. She saw the look, the smile, the smudged lip gloss, the half hearted way she attempted to pat down her messed up hair. She took it all in with a smile. Or at least one that she had slapped on her face while she had waited eight minutes for them to return, _after_ she had gone and given Vernon his Pepto-Bismol.

Suzannah walked over and sat on the couch next to the loveseat, blushing slightly. She smiled at Petunia and pushed her knees together as she sat down. Petunia took out a dark blue photo album from underneath a cushion blaring the word 'Dudley' in shiny golden letters. Needless to say it piqued Suzannah's interest.

"Suzie it has been forever since I've looked at this, I think you might like it," Petunia said. Actually she had went through it just that morning. Actually she went through it everyday Dudley was gone. Suzannah got up and moved over to sit on the love seat with Petunia.

"What is this?" she asked.

"It's Dudley's old photo album," she said proudly opening the page. Suzannah immediately smiled and Petunia sat the photo album in the middle of them, one side on each of their legs. The first picture was of Dudley as a baby, dressed in a blue baby jumper that contrasted with the blue of his eyes. He was sitting on a rug playing with a black teddy bear that looked as if it had had it's head ripped off and sewed back on a few too many times.

"Aww!" Suzannah gushed over the baby picture. Petunia smiled.

"That's Dudley at ten month's old," she said and turned the page. Several more pictures passed through the photo album's page until Petunia came to her favorite one, book marked in the center with a bright blue ribbon. Suzannah laughed and made more remarks about how cute the picture was. At this point the door opened and Dudley came in carrying his large suitcase.

"Dudley we were just looking at some old pictures," Suzannah said smiling up at Dudley.

"Oh really?" he said setting his suitcase down on the floor beside the couch he sat on.

"These are of you as a baby," Petunia said.

"I've never seen that album before," said Dudley craning his neck to try and see the picture. Of course he hadn't seen it before, Petunia kept it in the safe along with the credit cards and Vernon's secret stash of Twinkies.

"Oh they are just adorable," Suzannah said beaming.

"Well let me see," he said and as his mother turned the photo album in his direction and the picture was revealed. In slow motion Dudley's face took on a mask of uttermost horror and revulsion. On the page with the bright blue book mark was a blaring picture of himself, no older than two butt naked with nothing whatsoever on except Petunia's pink hat with the flower hat band around it. He was laying on the floor with his hand propping up his chin and the other on the floor, it was literally the most feminine thing that he had ever seen. But the thing that really got him was the blaring whiteness of his peachy behind.

"Mu-um…" he said horrified as he stared at the embarrassing baby picture.

"I think it's adorable," Suzannah said to Petunia. Petunia smiled and nodded both of them oblivious to the scandalized look on Dudley's face. Dudley grabbed the photo album from his mothers hands and flipped through the pages, all naked baby pictures of him. All of them naked baby pictures of himself… in the bath tub… at the pool… at Aunt Marge's house… outside… on the kitchen table… Good Lord when did the madness stop?

"Well Dudley what do you think?" Petunia asked her son taking the photo album out of his limp hands.

"What do I think?" he said, getting himself under control he cleared his throat and put on a fake smile. "They're really something Mum," he said his teeth feeling like they were about to fall out of his fake smile and onto the carpet where his Mum would just clean them up and put them in a jar. He was snapped out of his frenzied thinking when Petunia closed the photo album and set it behind the pillow. He made another mental note the find that photo album and burn it.

"Well I'm off to finish the kitchen, you kids must be tired and I've been keeping you up while you're both clearly asleep on your feet," she said getting up and dusting imaginary germs off of her apron. "Well don't mind me, you go ahead and get ready for bed," she said and walked into the kitchen, pausing on the way to kiss her son on the cheek.

Dudley walked, still horrified that his Mum would show his girlfriend naked baby pictures of him, up the stairs with Suzannah coming up behind him. "Well I thought they were absolutely adorable Dudley," she said walking beside him in the hall way.

"Yeah they were real… _adorable,_" he said as he paused at the guest bedroom door. Suzannah leaned up and kissed him good night.

"Good night," she said grabbing his hand as he started to walk away, Dudley smiled.

"Good night," he said.

"Sleep tight," she said opening the door and squeezing his hand.

"Sleep tight," he echoed.

"Don't let the-" she began.

"Bed bugs bite," he finished. Suzannah giggled and blew a kiss before shutting the door. Dudley let his smile fade as he walked into his room. Naked baby pictures… they were _adorable_ alright. "Adorable…," he murmured as he switched off the lamp and put his head on the pillow and went to sleep.

--- --- --- --- ---

**PRE**SS **_the_** RE**VIE**W **_button!_** Y**O**U_ **know**_ Y**O**U **_want_** TO**O!**


	3. Mothers Rage

Authors Note: I'm back. Like I said I will be updating every other day, but since the Holidays are coming soon, expect a little dip in the updates. Of course they will be back on track after Christmas as I will have more time. Thank you to those who reviewed, you guys are awesome. And those of you who have me on the Alert list why not take the time to review even if it is just 'update soon' or a little suggestion or 2. Anyway have fun reading this. The next chapter will be funny, I promise! My word as an Author! I'm out. -Crouchingbunny.

--- --- --- --- ---

"Dudley diddums you're up!" Petunia said to her son as he came down the stairs. Dudley mumbled something inaudible and sat down hard on the couch. He rubbed a hand through his bed head and glanced at the clock, 8:31. He yawned and stretched before smelling the bacon and no doubt delicious breakfast that awaited him in the dining room.

"Did you have a nice sleep Diddums?" Petunia asked him dusting a vase with a grey feather duster.

"Yeah Mum," he said. Actually his sleep had been plagued by a nightmare in which his naked baby pictures had been displayed all over his school with his name spray painted all over the halls in bright pink with hearts around his name, with the message 'Love Mommy,' after every heart.

"Hungry Diddums?" Petunia smiled brightly and walked into the kitchen. "Breakfast is waiting on the table if you want anything," she stood with the door open allowing the smells to waft into the room. When he didn't move her face fell a little, "I made your favorite, bacon and waffles," she said a little crestfallen that he hadn't jumped at the chance to eat her breakfast.

"Oh, yeah Mum. I'm not really that hungry," he said attempting to smooth down his hair.

"Well perhaps you will be later on," Petunia said before walking sulkily into the kitchen and closing the door behind her. Dudley sighed and sunk back into the couch cushions, he had hardly slept at all last night. When he was a asleep he was plagued by the laughter of his piers, and when he wasn't dreaming he was getting woke up by someone in the bathroom being sick. Not exactly the way he had planned his first night home from school. Well he still had ice skating to look forward to.

At that point Dudley heard someone coming down the stairs and he sat up a little straighter thinking that it was Suzannah. Seeing the bulk of his father in his large red and black morning robe come down the staircase he sat back again.

"Good morning Dad," said Dudley. Then seeing his father's face decided not to talk anymore until he had had his coffee. Vernon's face was haggard and pale as if he had spent the night outside in a hailstorm. The bags under his eyes looked as if they were about to spread and consume his hole body in the shadows, his slippers were mismatched and his hair was not the usual wetted down and neat 'do' that had become a sort of trademark for him. In fact it was terrible… his father looked more terrible than he believed he had ever seen him. Even more terrible than that time Harry had blown up Aunt Marge. He shuddered at the memory.

"Oh, good morning Dudley," Vernon said sitting down in his burgundy arm chair. Petunia stuck her head out of the kitchen door.

"Good morning honey, how are you feeling?" she asked. Vernon who had been staring sleepily at the blank TV screen looked up at his wife.

"About as good as can be expected with… the _boy _here," said Vernon testily. "What's for breakfast?" he asked on a happier note.

"Waffles and bacon Dear," she said opening the door all of the way. "It should be ready in about five minutes," Petunia said as she rushed back inside to check on the bacon.

"Dudley, go get the paper. The little hooligan should have brought it out already," Vernon said referring to the paper-boy. He had never quite forgiven the boy for riding over his foot.

Dudley got up and walked out into the driveway where he saw the morning paper gleaming at the end of the driveway. He cut across the lawn and bent down to pick the paper up when he saw the kitchen blinds of the Crewman's house snap shut. Dudley sighed and muttered under his breath about nosycrooked nosedbusy bodies.

--- --- --- --- ---

"Good morning Mr. Dursley," Suzannah said as she came down the stairs. Vernon looked up from the television and smiled.

"Good morning… Sammantha," he said slowly. For the love of Pete, why couldn't he remember the girls blasted name? Suzannah's smile faltered for a second as Vernon struggled with her name.

"It's Suzannah, Mr. Dursley," she said as nicely as she could. She wasn't used to having people not remember her name, or immediately know who she was.

"Oh, I'm sorry Suzannah, the minds starting to go," he joked, "No use talking to me before I get my first cup of coffee," he said. She smiled vaguely.

"Of course, my father's the same way," she lied.

"Well Dudley went outside to get the paper a few moments ago, he should be back in a little while," he said and began staring at the TV again. Suzannah frowned and simpered into the kitchen. Petunia was just setting the plates on the table and beginning to fill up the glasses with orange juice as Suzannah entered the kitchen.

"Good morning Mrs. Dursley," she said to Petunia. Petunia looked up at her son's girlfriend.

"Well aren't you all dressed up this morning?" Petunia said. True, Suzannah was already dressed and ready to go Ice Skating. She was wearing light blue jeans with a hot pink sequin belt, a white tank top and a small light pink jacket that only came halfway down her stomach. The top part of her hair was pinned up with a silver clip. Her mascara and eyeliner was on and her lips were once again coated in shimmery pink lip gloss.

"I want to get to the Skating rink before all of the good skates are gone," she said smiling, "do you need any help?" she asked.

"No that's quite alright dear," Petunia said clutching the china protectively behind her back.

"Well, if you need any help Mrs. Dursley just ask me, I think it's really nice of you to let me visit with Dudley for a few weeks," she said sitting down at the spot she had sat at the night before.

"Oh dear you're so sweet, so tell me about Dudley," said Petunia putting the bacon on the table and sitting down on the opposite side of Suzannah.

"Well, he's very… nice… everybody really likes him at school, he's the best on the wrestling team andat boxing," she said wanting Dudley to get back very soon so they could leave.

"Do the other girls like him?" Petunia asked taking a sip of her coffee. Suzannah's eyebrows shot an inch up her forehead. If there was one thing that you did not ask girlfriends, it was if other girls liked their boyfriends.

"Well, he's very popular like I said," Suzannah looked at the bacon.

"Oh you must feel very lucky that Dudley asked you to be his girlfriend," said Petunia.

"Um… well I guess, but-" she said.

"Mum, Dad says he wants his bacon," Dudley said coming into the kitchen. He had took the opportunity to go and get dressed, he was wearing blue jeans and ablue Tommy Hilphiger shirt. Suzannah shot a distressed look over Petunia's shoulder as she turned around to give her son a hug. Petunia stuck her head out of the door.

"It's ready now Vernon, come and eat!" she said and hurriedly set the waffles on the table.

"All right Petunia, I'm coming," Vernon said from the living room. There was a great creak as he got up out of his burgundy armchair and made his way to his seat at the dining room table.

"Well Dudley and I ought to get going if we want to beat the first crowd," said Suzannah getting up from her chair and walking over by Dudley. Petunia looked at Dudley sorrowfully as he turned around.

"Bye Mum, bye Dad," Dudley said turning around for a brief second to wave bye.

"Bye Mr. Dursley, good bye Mrs. Dursley," she said turning around longer than Dudley.

"Good bye kids, have fun!" Petunia said staring at the two empty plates sulkily.

"Yes, and don't do anything I wouldn't do son!" Vernon said, more energetic after having had his first cup of coffee. After about five minutes into eating his eggs Vernon excused himself from the table, and Petunia heard him bounding up the stairs to the bathroom. Left alone with not much to do, (she had already given Vernon the Pepto-Bismol bottle and he had left it in the bathroom the night before) she stirred the eggs in her plate with a knife and waited for her husband to return. A few minutes later she heard the footsteps on the stairs.

"Oh Vernon," she began but stopped as soon as Harry stuck his head into the kitchen. Disappointed at not having someone to talk with about Dudley's girlfriend she sighed and propped her head up with a bony wrist.

Harry sat down across from her in Suzannah's vacated spot and began to eat the eggs and bacon in the plate. She quirked her eyebrows in agitation as his fork made grating sounds on the plate. RING! A-RING! A-RING! Petunia jerked the phone off the hook grateful for having someone to talk with.

"Hello?" she said.

"Petunia dear, good morning!" said the voice at the end. Mrs. Crewman, Petunia looked out the dining room window blinds at the Crewman's house. There visible on the patio was Joanna Crewman a brown coffee cup in one hand and the morning paper sitting on the patio table.

"Isn't it though Joanna?" Petunia said, stirring a spoon in her own coffee cup.

"Yes, I see you have company," said Mrs. Crewman slyly, "A cousin perhaps?" Petunia gritted her teeth and snapped the blinds shut.

"No, actually its Dudley's girlfriend Suzannah," she said.

"Thank goodness, the way that they were carrying on last night I would have had to warn you that something was afoot," Joanna said looking at a pigeon as he flew overhead. There was a pause at the other end of the line as Petunia collected her thoughts.

"Well the young will be young, best to just let them be. That way there's no embarrassment on either part, why I remember when Vernon and I were young we used to-" and she began a recollection of one of her and her husbands old escapades. Joanna tuned her out for a moment and stirred more cream into her coffee cup while she waited for Petunia to finish. Next thing you knrow she would begin talking about that horrid son of hers, Mrs. Crewman cringed at the thought.

"Yes, Frank and I used to do the same thing, but really Petunia, I would rethink letting that girl stay at your house," she said. "Boys will be boys, and girls will be girls." Petunia at the other end of the line laughed and even wiped at her eye.

"Oh please Joanna, not my Dudley, not in my house," she said, "We taught our son to be responsible and that is what he is, Dudley would never." Honestly where did Joanna's madness stop. Dudley was her Dudders, her darling baby boy and he didn't-

"I don't know Petunia, like I said I saw them outside last night, a girl like that can make a boy forget everything and anything that his mother has told him," Joanna smiled, "That's what happened to Violet's boy, remember him? Stanley? We never see him anymore, he never visits Violet," on the other end of the phone Petunia froze in mid stir, "Ever since he took up with that Spinnet girl we haven't seen hide nor hair of him." Joanna looked over at the kitchen window of Number Four Privet Drive, the blinds were shut tight and she was unable to see Petunia's reaction.

"Well, not my Dudley. Stanley was a horrid child with no manners and no restrictions, the boy did whatever he pleased. He even ran that dreadful motor bike of his right through my Gardenias! Cut donuts right in the driveway," Petunia said.

"Still, Violet gave him anything and everything her ever wanted. And how did her repay her? Run off with some harlot that came out of nowhere, honestly she at least deserved to get invited to the wedding," Mrs. Crewman heard her husband calling from the dining room. No matter, she had already accomplished what she needed. Before Petunia could respond, "Petunia dear, I'm sorry but Frank is calling and I haven't yet fixed him breakfast," and she hung up the phone.

Petunia slammed the phone down on the receiver and glared angrily at Harry. Honestly, Dudley would never leave her for years at a time without a Christmas card except for every one or three years. Dudley wasn't the kind of boy who would lose his head over some girl, and kick his mother out of his life forever. Dudley would never _not_ invite her to his wedding.

But still there was that nagging voice at the back of her head. That nasty voice that sometimes even regretted being so shrewd with Lilly, not talking with her parents the last few years of their lives, or even that she had mistreated Harry all of his life. But this time the voice was different. This time the voice was nagging her about her darling baby boy. The baby boy that had been and still was, her sun moon and stars. Dudley had not eaten his breakfast, and waffles with bacon was his absolute favorite. Dudley had hardly said ten words to her this morning, Dudley had been outside last night for ten minutes 'making out' with that girl. That _girl_… she was the problem.Petunia was certain. But how? That girl was obviously some kind of witch or other sort of riff-raff, what else could make her darling Dudders forget her?

Fork scraped along plate and she looked up at Harry, taking Dudley's eggs as well. Harry… he was the key. If she could break up that witch and her darling Dudders she would have her baby boy back. And Harry… Harry would help her do it. Smiling sickly she shoveled out a waffle from the waffle pan and put it steaming onto Harry's plate. Harry looked surprised up at her.

"Here dear, I know you must be starving," she said forcing herself to be nice. For Dudley. Harry, who was suspicious of his Aunt's sudden behavior made a mental note to watch his back.

"Er… thanks," he said drizzling syrup over it.

"So… you're still alive," she said slowly. She had to make this work she had to.

"Yeah…" said Harry.

"What do you think of Dudley's knew girlfriend, Sammantha?" she said. This was it. If Harry remembered her name then her job would be made so much easier.

"She's okay," he said swallowing a large chunk of a waffle.

"Oh she seems to really like Dudley, but of course she's very pretty," she said.

"Er… okay," Harry said taking her word for it. Since Sirius' death he hadn't been feeling much anything besides empty.

Petunia smiled, maybe if she was nice enough to Harry then he wouldn't balk if she began asking him little things. 'Harry dear, could you go take this to Dudley,' 'Harry could you go ask Dudley,' already she could see Dudley coming back to her. She _had_ to get rid of Suzannah

--- --- --- --- ---

**_PRESS _**the **_REVIEW_** button

_**Yo**U** kNo**W** yOu** W**aNt **2_


	4. St Nick

Authors Note: All right kids, listen up. Since the holidays are coming closer every hour that is another hour that I will not be able to write. I'm going to be out of town tomorrow and won't be back until late, also the next day being Christmas Day I will be opening my presents and so will you. And then I will be going to my other side of the family's Christmas dinner/exchange thing. Thusly do not expect any updates until after said Holiday. MERRY CHRISTMAS! And to those of you who review I hope that you have a very extra special Christmas and get what you wanted. The end of this chapter is terrible I know, but that is just something for you to mull over during Christmas dinner while your cousins are running around pulling your hair. I'm out. -Crouchingbunny.

--- --- --- --- ---

"Come on Dudley!" Suzannah said from the ice. They had been waiting for the last ten minutes for the man that was in charge of the shoes to get back from the store room. Apparently they didn't carry but three pairs of size sixteen skates, and all were in the storage building.

"Go ahead and skate," he said as the shoe manager came back with a box of skates in his hands.

"But we came here to skate together," she argued and latched onto his arm. The man pulled out a pair of white and blue skates and handed them over to Dudley. Dudley took them and headed over to the benches.

"All right lets go," she said as she grabbed Dudley's arm and stepped onto the ice. Despite Dudley's muscular physique he was actually graceful on the ice. The last two years of hard dieting had transformed the somewhat pig like features into something that could be considered a sort of a hunk. Of course training in the gym during all of his free time hadn't hurt him either.

After falling only a few times Suzannah began to get the hang of staying upright while holding onto Dudley's arm. Of course she had never been the best skater, and holding onto someone's arm seemed to put her slightly off balance. After a while Dudley got hungry, (surprise) and went to go get some nachos at the concession stand. Leaving Suzannah to make circles around the rink by herself.

A particularly nasty trip nearly sent her flying headfirst into the side of the rink. A hand caught her wrist and pulled her upright as her knees connected with the ice. She turned around expecting to see Dudley, but was sadly disappointed by a boy about her age with his brown hair slicked out of his face by gel.

"Don't trip," he said grinning, not letting go of her wrist. Suzannah plastered a smile on her face.

"Thanks," she said dusting her knees off with her free hand.

"No problem, I was just-" he began.

"Suzannah?" Dudley said from behind them. They both turned around.

"Who's this?" said the other boy.

"Suzannah what's going on?" Dudley asked nachos in one of his hands, clearly ignoring the 'NO FOOD ON THE ICE' sign that was nailed to the wall. Suzannah jerked her wrist out of the boy's hand.

"This is my boyfriend Dudley, Dudley this is…" she trailed off not knowing the guys name.

"Nick," he said, "she fell and I caught before she plowed into the wall," Nick being half a head shorter than Dudley, and not nearly as broad seemed a little intimidated by Dudley's girth.

"Well thanks for saving me, let's go Dudley," she said latching onto Dudley's arm and speeding off across the ice.

--- --- --- --- ---

"Well if you would have been there instead of getting nachos at the concession stand I wouldn't have even looked at him!" Suzannah shouted at Dudley as they got out of the car.

"Not that you were holding up much resistance! I saw you jerk your hand away just when you realized I was standing there!" Dudley shouted back at her. Suzannah made a sputtered sound of resignation.

"Yeah, because I so wanted him!" she said sarcastically.

"So you admit it," Dudley said as they approached the door and stopped to face each other on the patio.

"Dudley you are such a PIG!" She shouted at him flinging her arms in the air.

"Well if I'm such a pig why do you even bother with me?" he asked.

"You know what, I don't know! Maybe I should just go home!" she said reaching for the door.

--- --- --- --- ---

Petunia heard the sound of Dudley's car coming up the driveway. She peeked out the blinds at the car to see them yelling at each other as they crossed the lawn. She couldn't suppress a smile as she walked to the front door.

"Music to my ears," she said quietly to herself as she opened the door. Suzannah had her hand outstretched as if about to grab the door handle. They were both glaring into each others faces as if seeing who would break contact first.

"Well you're back," Petunia said brightly opening the door for them to come in.

"Thank you Mrs. Dursley," said Suzannah as she stormed passed Petunia and up the stairs.

"Well what was that all about?" Petunia said as she closed the door and practically skipped after Dudley.

"Nothing Mum," said Dudley storming up the stairs. Petunia scowled and stalked into the kitchen to clean. Well at least they were fighting, maybe they would actually break up and she could be rid of that horrid girl. Sitting at the table she froze, just as soon as Suzannah was gone how far away would the next girl be? Or the next? Or the next? She wanted her Dudley to be happy… but she had always been able to keep Dudley happy. She would find him a nice respectable girl to date. Right after she got rid of this one.

--- --- --- --- ---

Suzannah flopped on her bed and began to cry. Dudley was such a pig! Why did she even bother with him? Why? She could do better, she knew that. She could definitely do better than him. "Stupid Dudley," she muttered burying her face in her fluffy pink pillow. "STUPID STUPID STUPID!" She screamed, the pillow muttering the sound. There was a tap on the door and she sat up on the bed and put the pillow down. Who was that? If it was Dudley…

"Suzie dear, are you all right?" Petunia said sounding for all the sympathetic mother. Suzannah cringed and looked into the large mirror that sat on the dresser in front of the bed. Her mascara and eyeliner had smudged and ran down her face, for all the world she looked very much like a blonde raccoon. Her hair had come undone and it had begun to frizz and crackle with static electricity from the pillow.

"Yes, I'm fine," she said wiping her nose with the back of her hand.

"Do you want to talk dear?" Petunia asked from outside. Suzannah wiped a hand through her hair in an attempt to pat it down.

"No," she said, not trying to sound rude but succeeding anyway. Petunia narrowed her eyes and cleared her throat.

"Would you like me to get you anything?" she asked needing an excuse to get into that room and see the little harlot.

"No, I'm fine… really, Mrs. Dursley I'm fine," she said wishing that Petunia would go away and leave her alone.

"All right dear, if you need anything just let me know," said Petunia going down the stairs. She had to call into the Doctors office and make an appointment for Vernon, who's… condition had not yet improved.

--- --- --- --- ---

Harry looked lazily out the window, absently listening to the crickets chirping from the lawn below. Hedwig had gone hunting and was not yet back. It was around midnight and all was clearly not well in the Dursley household. (If ever it was.) He had heard Dudley and his girlfriend having a row downstairs a few hours earlier and Aunt Petunia come up and down the stairs asking Dudley's girlfriend if she 'wanted to talk', or 'needed anything'. Besides the fact that his Uncle Vernon was in the bathroom sick again. Honestly if he was this sick why didn't he just go to the doctor already? Then at least Harry could get a decent nights sleep. Something he hadn't had in a while.

"Dudley, are you sure you don't want anything to eat popkin?" Petunia said to Dudley a few feet down the hall.

"Yes mum," he heard Dudley's sulky tone.

"All right, well Mummy's going to go to bed now, remember if you get hungry just go down into the kitchen and warm up some steak, I left some in the refrigerator just in case," he heard his Aunt say before her slipper clad feet scooted down the hallway to the bathroom that was currently occupied by Vernon.

"Vernon honey," Petunia's voice was muffled by the walls but Harry could still make it out. "I made you an appointment at Dr. Mullet's office tomorrow morning at ten," she said. Vernon said something inaudible and Harry heard the door shut and Aunt Petunia's bony feet walk into her own bed room and shut the door. Harry sighed and flopped over on his back drifting almost immediately to sleep.

At one thirty Harry woke up to the sound of Vernon retching in the bathroom toilet. He went back to sleep having to go to the loo but not wanting to walk in on Vernon with his pants down. He'd done it before... notpleasant.

He decided to hold it until he got up in the morning. Harry went back to sleep and was again woken up at three o' seven. He got up and walked across the cold floorboard and opened his door. The hallway was so dark as to have almost no light except for the meager amount that filtered through Harry's open window.

No light came from under the bathroom door so he opened the door and turned on the light. Sitting slumped over the bathtub was Dudley's girlfriend. Small snores were issuing from her folded arms. Her messy blonde hair was hanging over the sides of her face. She was wearing light purple hello kitty pajama bottoms and a turquoise morning robe. Harry fought the urge to jump up and down in frustration. He had waited hours to go to the bathroom and now Dudley's girlfriend was in the same room slumped over the bathtub sleeping. He should have nknown that no girlfriend of Dudley's would be normal.

He stopped and counted to ten, he then tapped her on the shoulder. She merely continued to snore. Harry sighed and leaned back on his heels before tapping her on the shoulder again. Suzannah stirred a little. Harry exhaled loudly as the call of nature stronger than his usual niceness caused him to grab her by the shoulder and shake her.

Many things happened at once, the first one being Suzannah sat up very fast opened her mouth and let loose a blood curdling scream that made Harry's ears vibrate. The second was there were several crashing noises and the sound of doors opening. Harry grabbed Suzannah by the back of the turquoise robe pulled her next to him, and put a hand over her mouth.

At that point Dudley came bursting into the bathroom, for one terrible second they stood there staring straight at each other. Harry seeing a furious Dudley in blue pajamas his blonde hair might have been comical except for the obvious fury on his face. Dudley seeing his girlfriend in the arms of his cousin Harry, his contemptible skinny cousin Harry. Who had been asking for it for the past five years. The only thing that had really kept Dudley from reducing Harry to a pile of ash had been the fear of that dreaded wand that he always carried around. Now that fear was gone replaced with a rage not unlike that of a raging bull. Dudley's nostrils flared as he lunged at Harry.

--- --- --- --- ---

DA DA DA! Ooh cliffie.

P**RES**S **the **R**EVIE**W **button**!

Y**O**U **know **Y**O**U **want **T**O**O


	5. Headbanger

Authors Note: Sorry for the week without updates. But I took a much needed rest from the old grind. The next chappie will be longer, and even more eventful. Scary huh? Well I had a wonderful Holiday and I hope that you all did as well. I'm out, -Crouchingbunny.

--- --- --- --- ---

As Dudley lunged, Harry stepped quickly aside and Dudley went crashing into the bathroom wall. Several of the tiles came loose to fall on Dudley or break on the floor. Dudley lay on the floor and moaned clutching his head as herolled over onto his side as the last of the tiles fell on him.

"Dudley?" Suzannah said softly breaking away from Harry who was looking over at his cousin in a state of shock. "Dudley!" She shouted and knelt down beside him wiping the hair out of his face and shaking him. All Dudley managed to do was moan and try to push her away. "Dudley I'm so sorry! I'll never argue with you again! Please Dudley just get up!" she shouted.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY SON? DUDLEY!" Petunia screamed from the doorway, Vernon's bulk filled out the remainder of the doorway that Petunia's bony frame did not cover. Petunia rushed into the bathroom in her pink chiffon slippers and knelt down beside Dudley. "Speak to me Dudders! Speak to me!" Dudley moaned again.

"Good God! What on earth happened in here?" Vernon asked from the doorway taking in the shattered blue, white and pink tiles that littered the bathroom floor and Dudley.

"Dudley say something!" Suzannah said clearing away the tile dust from his face and hair.

"Wake up Duddy! Mummy's here we'll take you to the emergency room right now! Vernon help me get him up!" She said taking Dudley's arm in her own bony one.

"Wait! You aren't supposed to move someone when they are hurt!" Suzannah said.

"She's right Petunia, what if he's got a concussion! He'll be damaged for life!" Vernon said, dehydration taking over. Petunia looked at her son as if going to move him if her life depended on it, she was his mother and she knew best. Better than that filthy little harlot that was holding her sons head at the moment. It was taking all of her will power not to slap her hands off of her Dudder's face.

Harry who until that moment had been staring at Dudley in a trancelike state, mixed feelings swirling within him. Surprise, shock, and that nasty little feeling that said he deserved it. (and he did) Harry walked over to them and leaned over Dudley.

"GET AWAY FROM HIM!" Petunia screeched trying to push Harry away but succeeding only in hitting Dudley.

"Mrs. Dursley you're hurting him!" Suzannah screeched. Petunia for a moment glared at Suzannah out of her pale eyes but then the look was covered up by a blank expression.

"Vernon call the ambulance!" Petunia shouted to her husband. Vernon hobbled down the stairs nearly tripping on the trim of his robe. "You get out! Get out! Get out!" she screamed at Harry. "You killed Dudley! You killed my baby!"

"Mrs. Dursley he didn't do anything! He didn't do anything!" Suzannah said to Petunia grabbing her shoulder. Harry who went down stairs to wait for the ambulance would rather not listen to his Aunt rave about how he had 'killed' Dudley. Been there done that, not fun.

--- --- --- --- ---

When the ambulance finally came a couple of men in white suits ran up the stairs with a stretcher between them. They were up in the bathroom for about five minutes getting Dudley settled safely on the stretcher before the meandered down the staircase at a snails pace. Petunia was doing all she could not to run to Dudley and grab his hand. Her poor little innocent Dudders, was all she could think as she watched Dudley's unconscious form go past her on the white stretcher.

"He's still a minor, someone from his family's got to ride with him," said a man with an official looking clipboard in his hand. Petunia lost no time in running and jumping into the back of the ambulance with her son. She yelled out of the ambulances back doors for Vernon to follow them in the car.

A man in white got in the passenger seat of the Dursley's sandalwood Jaguar just as soon as Vernon jumped in the drivers side seat. He put the key in the ignition when he suddenly turned around and shouted out the car window to Harry and Suzannah who were standing on the front porch. Suzannah looking particularly waterlogged.

"Don't expect us back until morning at least, I suspect they'll keep Dudley overnight for observation." The ambulance man nodded in confirmation. "Take care of the house! I'll not come back with it's walls stripped of all the furnishings!" Vernon was halfway down the street while he said this having gassed it to catch up to the ambulances flashing lights.

Harry turned around to go back inside the house when he saw that the girl hadn't made a move to go back inside the house. He put his hand behind his head searching for something to say.

"Are you coming in or staying outside?" He asked quietly. Suzannah looked up at him through tear filled eyes and followed him inside. Little did they know that as they entered the house someone was watching through their kitchen windows, eyes narrowed.

--- --- --- --- ---

"What on earth?" Mrs. Crewman said as she heard the ambulance arrive at the Dursley's house nextdoor. She jumped out of bed and went down the hallway into the kitchen where she would be able to see everything that was going on.

"What's happening Joanna?" Mr. Crewman said from the kitchen door. Mrs. Crewman turned around for a second.

"I'm not sure, but there's an ambulance so it must be something serious," she said barely keeping the excitement out of her voice as a long white stretcher was unloaded from the back of the ambulance.

"Perhaps you aught to call-" Mr. Crewman began reaching for the phone.

"No!" She said turning around and grabbing the phone off the wall before her husband could even touch it. She smiled, "Honestly dear, I'm sure Petunia will tell me all about it in the morning. It's not nice to pry in times of crisis," she said. Besides, she was sure that dimwit of a boy they called a son had merely fallen asleep with food in his mouth again, or swallowed his midnight steak whole.

"Maybe they need help-" he said reaching for his coat.

"No dear, they have professionals for that. Besides we would likely get in the way." Mrs. Crewman narrowed her eyes as the men came back out of the house with the boy on a stretcher. Petunia jumped in after him, and the ambulance sped off down the road. That skinny black haired miscreant and that blond girl were left standing on the front porch while Vernon and a man in white sped off after the ambulances flashing lights. Mrs. Crewman watched them walk back into the house and pursed her lips. What on earth had just happened?

"Dear why don't you go back to bed?" She said to her husband who was looking out the window behind her.

"Right dear, work tomorrow," he said walking back down the hallway. She smiled after him.

"I'll be right there Dear. I'm just going to get a drink of water," she said her husband already asleep. She waited for his snores before dialing the Dursley's phone number and put the receiver to her ear. It took only three rings for the phone to be answered.The girl answered it.

"Hello?" the girl said as if expecting someone important to be on the other end.

"Yes, this is Joanna Crewman from next door. I woke up a few minutes ago, and saw the ambulance. And forgive me asking, but what on earth is going on?" She asked her fake caring voice biting into Suzannah's ear.

"Well D-dudley hit his head," she said into the receiver.

"Oh I'm sorry dear," she said becoming bored. "Well I just called to make sure that it was nothing too serious. Now I'm sure everything will be fine dear, but you might as well get some sleep. If anything happens they'll be sure to call you, good night dear." Mrs. Crewman turned around and got a glass out of the cabinet.

"Good night," Suzannah said and hung up. Mrs. Crewman hung herphone up and filled her glass with water.

--- --- --- --- ---

"So who was that?" Harry asked from the couch. Suzannah sniffled a little as she sat down on the opposite end of the couch.

"Mrs. Crewman from next door," she said.

"Oh," said Harry vaguely remembering a shrewish woman about his Aunt's age hitting him over the head with a folded newspaper when he was younger and Dudley had pushed him into her flowerbed. Suzannah began sniffing into her Kleenex as Harry reached for the remote, sighing he set it back down.

"It's all my fault!" Suzannah bursted out suddenly making Harry jump. He gaped at her for a moment before remembering he should say something comforting.

"Er, no it's not," he said. She looked up at him putting her Kleenex in her lap, her blue eyes filled with tears.

"Yes it is, if I hadn't screamed he wouldn't have lost his temper. If I hadn't been fighting with him today I wouldn't have evenfallen asleepin the bathroom in the first place," she wailed falling forward onto the sofa and started crying.

"Um… there, there," he said patting her back. "Dudley's going to be all right."

"No he's not, it would serve me right too," she sniffed for a moment. Harry was beginning to wonder if he would ever get to go back to sleep. After a minute she sat up, "I am the worst girlfriend ever, and I-I-I don't deserve D-Dudley," she said wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. When Harry didn't answer her she looked up at him, he was sleeping. His head was tilted back against the sofa and his mouth was open. She sniffed and blew her nose loudly hoping to wake him up. When Harry only seemed to sleep sounder she took off his glasses and set them on the coffee table beside them.

Suzannah went upstairs and then came down with her blanket and pillow. Not wanting to be alone she threw part of the cover over Harry and then lay down on the opposite end of the couch. She turned the lamp off blew her nose on her Kleenex and then went to sleep.

--- --- --- --- ---

PRESS **THE** REVIEW **BUTTON!** YOU **KNOW** YOU **WANT** TO!

**HAPPY NEW YEAR!**


	6. Rumba

Authors Note: On my honor as an Author, I promise you that these next two chapters shall be funny beyond belief. Well in the case that you don't find the mental picture of Vernon doing yoga funny then you might as well shoot me now.Not so much action in this as I'd planned in the foray of thinking it up. As for you guys you may or may not be getting updates regularly since (depending on whether or not you live in Texas or Oklahoma) of all of the fires that have been happening around my area. Hope that no fires take away the ya know special time an author needs to write their stories. Enjoy, I'm out-Crouchingbunny.

--- --- --- --- ---

"I told you Petunia, I'm fine," Vernon told his wife angrily as they sped down the highway with Dudley in the backseat of their sandalwood Jaguar. Petunia tsked and raised one of her eyebrows. Ever since Dudley had been released from the emergency room and (they had had to stop two times for Vernon to… relieve himself) they had left the hospital they had been going at it.

"You are most certainly not fine Vernon, you are going to Dr. Mullets this afternoon and that is the end of it," she said sternly folding her arms and looking out over the dash board at the highway. Vernon grumbled under his mustache for a minute before slamming on the breaks at a red light. Dudley hit the back of his fathers seat with a thump.

"Dudley are you all right popkin?" Petunia turned around in the seat and wiped the hair out of Dudley's eyes.

"Yeah Mum, I'm fine," he said although his head was spinning, he just wanted his mum to stop ergh,_ babying_ him. It turns out that the doctor just gave him some pain relievers and they were gone. Of course they had to stay the night at the emergency room for observation, just in case. He still had his medical bracelet strapped onto his wrist and hadn't had the gumption to take it off just yet.

"Are you sure Dudders? Vernon stop and get Dudley something to eat, that Hospital food was absolutely atrocious. If people aren't sick when they check in, they certainly must be when they check out," said Petunia to her son and her husband. Vernon groaned inwardly at having to stop, but his feeling of ill content vanished when he smelled the hot syrupy and sausageyscented current of air that whooshed out of the door when he held it open for his wife. God he loved Denny's.

--- --- --- --- ---

Harry got up and yawned, it was awfully bright in his bedroom. He opened his eyes and seeing the blurriness of the world without glasses he groped around for them on his dresser. Finding no dresser he got up and squinted his eyes, instead of his bedroom he found the Dursley's living room. He sighed and felt/looked around the coffee table for his glasses. Without finding them he sighed again and sat down on the couch. Something cold touched his hand, Harry jumped at the touch and squinted hard at the other side of the couch. He could barely make out the shape of someone sleeping soundly on the opposite end.

Getting up Harry stretched and walked over to the small stool where the telephone was and made out his glasses by the receiver. He hadn't remembered taking them off, or falling asleep on the couch. He picked up his glasses and put them on. He jumped again when he saw Dudley's girlfriend's head peeking out from under the covers at him, her feet, hot pink toe nails and all practically blared out against the white of the blanket she was wrapped in. He shrugged and checked if they had any messages. They had seven.

The first three messages were from the neighbors, Mrs. Crewman asking if they had heard anything about Dudley's 'condition' yet, Mrs. Anderson wanting to know what was going on, and Ms. Pruitt a sour tempered widow that lived three houses away on the opposite end of the street wondering 'What on earth had happened last night,' and if someone had gotten shot. Harry smirked and listened to the rest of the messages. The next two were from his Aunt Petunia.

"Hello?… Vernon they're not picking up. Well, I suspect you're asleep, just calling to tell you that Dudley's going to be all right." "Hello? Hello? No, they still aren't picking up, well we're leaving the hospital and expect to be home soon." Another message from Mrs. Crewman wanting to know if Dudley was all right. Harry tolled his eyes, he doubted very much if Mrs. Crewman cared a whit about what happened to Dudley. Then another of Aunt Petunia's messages.

"Hellooo? Well we're calling from Denny's. We'll be home in about thirty minutes, no Vernon they still aren't picking up!" Harry could hardly contain another smirk. There was no mistaking it, his Aunt Petunia was a head case.

On a more serious note he checked the time for the last message, _9:17 _am June 27th. He glanced at the clock hanging from the wall, _9:40_. They should have been home if you paid any attention whatsoever to Petunia's message. But with ultimo-eaters like his uncle Vernon and cousin Dudley, he added at least another twenty minutes for their third course of pancakes. He stretched and walked into the kitchen eager to get something to eat out of the refrigerator.

After browsing through this mornings selection of grapefruit, oranges, frozen bacon, and more grapefruit he ground his teeth and picked out an orange. Not having the energy to cook he wished for waffles, of course if they would have had any frozen ones he would have immediately shoved them in the microwave and then shoved them in his mouth. But then again his Aunt Petunia didn't believe in frozen waffles.

"This is the Dursley residence," Petunia's phony voice recording on the answering machine echoed across the room and through the open kitchen door. "We're not home right now, but please leave you're name and number and we'll be sure to get back to you, thank you." There was a beep that signaled the person calling to talk and then a pause.

"Hello? Vernon? Petunia? You home? Yoo hoo!" Harry gritted his teeth as he recognized it as 'Aunt' Marge. "Well you should be up, I've just got your message, blasted machine. Just wondering what's happened to Dudley? Well call me back when you get home, or wake up." And with that Marge hung up the phone and the answering machine let out a series of loud beeps.

Harry hadn't seen much of 'Aunt' Marge since the whole escapade with the blowing up and whatnot. Of course not that he was complaining. Come to think of it, this was the first time he had even heard Marge call since the day she was bouncing off of the ceiling. Harry chuckled to himself remembering the look on his Uncle Vernon's face as Marge floated up to play atronaught on the ceiling.

Having pealed the orange he was having for breakfast Harry made his way out of the kitchen door. Taking a bite of the orange, he nearly choked as he bumped into Dudley's girlfriend.

"Oh! I'm sorry, um… Harry," she said wiping blonde hair out of her face.

"Er, it's all right," he said wiping his mouth off as if the gesture were contagious.

"Have you heard from your Aunt yet?" she asked.

"Actually yeah, she just erm, called said she'd be home in a little while," he looked around the kitchen. "You want something to eat?"

"No, I'm not really hungry. I'll wait until they get back," said Suzannah. There was an awkward moment of silence in which Harry stared out the kitchen window and Suzannah stared at the kitchen floor. She looked up and slipped under the arm that Harry was holding the door open with, and went to sit at the kitchen table. Harry made an effort not to sigh as he went over and sat down beside her in his Aunt's usual spot.

"Harry," she said. He looked up trying to hold back a tired expression.

"Yeah?"

"Do you think it's my fault… what happened to Dudley I mean?" She asked wringing her hands out. Harry who had stuffed the last of the orange in his mouth raised his eyebrows and swallowed. Well she had screamed, but then again he had sort of shoved her, but then again Dudley's the one who thought he had been snogging his girlfriend in the dark, right down the hall from him, and in a bathroom. Yeah… right.

"No," he said leaning back in the chair. He saw her eyes go from his face to his scar then down to the floor, then back to his forehead. He saw the question on her face before it left her mouth.

"Where did you get that-" she began only to be cut off by him.

"A car wreck," he said and even as he told her the lie that he had believed over half of his life he felt that he had done the wrong thing.

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-" and again she was cut off.

"Don't worry about it," he said. This was just the kind of thing that made him want to wear a bag over his head the rest of his life.

"Well, it's really a very… unique shape. A lightning bolt, or half a heart if you look at it differently," she said her blue eyes hovering for only a second more over his scar. He raised his eyebrows again and couldn't help but smile. No way was his scar a heart.

"Well, thanks," he said. In truth this had been the most he had had to say at the Dursley's kitchen table in a long time.

"How's your owl?" she asked.

"My owl, Hedwig? I guess she's fine," he said beginning to wonder if he should go and check on her. (If only to have an excuse to go to his room and _not _talk)

"Can I see her?" she asked. Harry groaned inwardly, but was relieved when he heard the Dursley's car come up the driveway.

"Maybe another time, she's probably tired from er, hunting." He said it very quickly even as he got up from the table and washed his hands free of the orange juice. Suzannah having noticed that Dudley was home raced into the living room and out the front door. Harry took his chance and went to his room.

--- --- --- --- ---

"We're home Dudders!" Petunia said as she climbed out of the passenger seat. Her happy mood dropped a level as she saw that whelp of a girl her son called his girlfriend run out to the car as Dudley got out and practically tackle him back into the side of the car.

"Dudley you're back!" She shouted into his ear hugging him. "I promise I'll never argue with you again! I'm so glad you're all right!" Dudley got out of the car with _her _clinging to his side.

"All right lets get inside and get you all fixed up Dudders," she said. Vernon got out of the car looking almost happily at his watch. And even more happier as he walked into the house. All the while in his mind he was singing, I don't have to go! I don't have to GO-O! To a sort of rumba tune. It is ten o'clock-ock, and I don't have to GO-O! But then again as he got into the house and reclined in his big burgundy arm chair Petunia turned to him.

"By the way Vernon, I rescheduled your appointment with Dr. Mullet for 11:30 instead of 10:00," she said. Vernon's spirits sank like a rock as he gaped at his wife in disbelief. "Of course that gives you enough time to get cleaned up and get to the Doctors office with time to spare for a few breaks between here and there." Vernon grinded his teeth to the point of them threatening to run from his mouth screaming bloody murder.

"Yes Petunia," he said resigning himself to a fate almost worse than death. (at least in his mind)

"By the way, you do know the way to the Doctors office don't you?" She asked almost haphazardly.

"Yes dear I know," he made his way up the stairs to take a shower. He paused on the third step, "Petunia I'm taking a shower, see that no one… interrupts me," he said thinking of a certain black-haired miscreant nephew.

"All right dear," she said already folding the white blanket she had found on the couch, listening to her husband run the last few steps up the stairs and down the hallway into the bathroom. "And he said he didn't need medical help," she said almost rolling her eyes.

--- --- --- --- ---

PRESS**_the_** REVIEW_ **button**_

**_YOU_** know**_YOU_**want **_TO_**


	7. SRD

Authors Note: Okay, sorry about the long stretch between this chapter and the last one. I've been sick and despite that I'm not going to be updating until I get **five** reviews on this chapter. I got one review on the last chapter and if no one is reading it I don't want to right it. I'm out- Crouchingbunny.

--- --- --- --- ---

"Damned papers," Vernon muttered darkly under his mustache as he sat in Dr. Mullet's waiting room along with a few other people. A lady with an extremely runny nose with what looked like orange cat hair all over her bright purple sweater, and a boy that looked to be in his early twenties with a bad cough and eye bags to contest his own. Vernon had been trying to fill out these blasted papers for the past ten minutes without having much success.

"Why on earth do they need to know how often I go to the dentist? For God's sake these damn papers are going to be the death of me," he said grumbling. The lady with the cat hair looked up from the Teen People magazine she was reading in shock as she heard him. The boy looked about on the verge of laughing before he started to cough again. Vernon however took no notice of this and continued grumbling.

After about twenty more minutes, and three bathroom breaks later Vernon was able to finish his papers, hand them into the perky blonde receptionist and sit quietly while leafing through a sporting magazine. The door that led into the rest of the office opened and a nurse in dark green pants and a nice shirt with a pattern of flowers and a stethoscope sticking out of her pocket looked around the waiting room. She looked down at her clipboard and crossed off a name.

"Mr. Vernon Dursley?" she asked inquiringly searching the room with her eyes. Vernon got up out of the chair with a faint grunt and walked up to the nurse. "Come this way Mr. Dursley," she said and held the door open for him. She lead him to a room, her dark brown pony tail swinging behind her. She again held the door open for him, and then walked inside to take his temperature. "Wait right here Mr. Dursley, Dr. Mullet will be with you shortly," she said and left scribbling on a clear clipboard.

And with that she closed the door and left Vernon sitting on a small stool in the corner of the room. He examined it haughtily, there was a picture of a boy lowering the back of his trousers exposing his backside to an elderly white-haired Doctor with a needle. He laughed for a second at the picture before looking through some of the little brochure-like things on a small white table. '_Do you have Herpes? Don't be ashamed…' _This caused Vernon to raise an eyebrow.

"I most certainly do not," he said. Honestly the things you found outside of home.

"Mr. Dursley, Dr Mullet will see you now," said the brunette nurse holding the door open for a man in his mid thirties. He was broad shouldered and in shape, his hair was starting to grey at the sideburns although it still held a trace of light brown. Apparently his graying hair did nothing to discourage the nurse who looked at him admiringly.

"Thank you Julie," he said straightening his white coat.

"No problem Dr. Mullet," she said smiling brightly as she shut the door.

"Good afternoon Mr. Dursley," he said sitting down in front of him.

"Good afternoon," Vernon said.

"So what seems to be the problem today?" He asked calmly.

"Well… _ihadreah_," he murmured. Dr. Mullet looked quizzical.

"E-excuse me? Come again, I didn't get that," he said. Vernon sighed.

"I-have-diarrhea," he said very quickly. Dr. Mullet nodded.

"So how long have you had it?" He asked looking Vernon over. Vernon frowned feeling as though he were being scrutinized.

"A few days, ever since…" he trailed off.

"Ever since what?" The doctor asked averting his eyes from the clipboard he was scribbling on. Vernon swallowed.

"My nephew came home," he said not able to contain the note of frustration that escaped as he mentioned Harry. The doctor nodded and wrote something down, then turned the clipboard over on the table so that Vernon couldn't see it even as he craned what little neck he had.

"Does this happen often?" The doctor asked.

"Well, no. He only comes home for about two months every year," he said.

"No, I mean the diarrhea," said the doctor.

"Oh… well yes," he said.

"Every time your nephew comes home," the doctor supplied.

"Yes," Vernon said.

"Your nephew, does he cause uncontrollable amounts of stress and frustration?" he asked.

"Er, yes," he said. The doctor sighed.

"Mr. Dursley I've seen this before. You have Chronic Diarrhea, but yours seems to be stress related," Dr. Mullet said scribbling a note on the clipboard and then setting it back down. Vernon looked shocked. "It's not uncommon among men of your age group in their late forties, early fifties. Stress related diarrhea is actually easy to cure if you know what to do."

"Are you saying that I have diarrhea because of my nephew?" he asked doubtfully, beginning to suspect that Dr. Mullet was a quack.

"Well your nephew may just be the centerfold of the problem. Normally it comes from overactive eaters and workaholics. It's also common to be caused by shrewish wives, but you show all of the symptoms of SRD, eye bags, you're face is beginning to sag with fatigue. And don't take any offense Mr. Dursley but your neck is getting awfully flabby."

"SRD?" Vernon repeated.

"Stress Related Diarrhea, Mr. Dursley listen, I'll give you some Phenergan for the diarrhea but to keep it from coming back you'll have to find an outlet for your stress. You may want to enroll in a yoga class," he said.

"What? A yoga class? Isn't that for women?" Vernon asked haughtily.

"Of course not, Mr. Dursley yoga is for cleansing your mind, body, and soul. If you want your SRD to clear up you are going to have to do it. I'll have my secretary schedule you a class. I'm sure your wife would be willing to help you-"

"NO!" Vernon said.

"Mr. Dursley, if money is the problem then you don't have to worry. The insurance will pay for it," Dr. Mullet said. Vernon raised his eyebrows as the Doctor got up and held the door open for him. "When the Phenergan runs out just take some Imodium AD for a few weeks and check in again each week for the next month or so," Vernon sort of tuned the doctor out for a minute while he blabbed about the positivepoints of _yoga_.

Vernon left the office in a kind of stupor as the Secretary gave him his prescription and the correct pharmacy, wished him goodbye and then went out to his car and drove to the Pharmacy to get his prescription. All the while replaying the word yoga in his head. _Yoga… yoga… yoga… yoga…_

--- --- --- --- ---

Harry sighed disgustedly as he listened to Dudley and his girlfriend in the guest room. He had never heard anyone talk so lovey-dovey to each other, _ever. _He could hear Dudley asking his girlfriend to forgive him for the thousandth time that afternoon, and he could also hear his girlfriend saying 'No Dudley! Forgive me!' in this strangled sounding voice. He rolled his eyes and attempted to drown out the sound of them with a pillow over his head. It helped a little.

He heard a car pull into the driveway and got up off of his back to look out his bedroom window. His uncle Vernon was climbing out of the Jaguar with some trouble on his part. He held an open package of medicine in one hand and a half eaten hamburger in the other along with his keys. He kicked the car door shut with some swearing and hopped up the patio steps into the house, looking a little better than he had before he left.

Harry looked at Hedwig in her cage asleep as he heard Dudley telling his girlfriend how much he 'lurved her and would never let anything happen to her' and gagged. _Disgusting disgusting disgusting_…

--- --- --- --- ---

"Darling you're home!" Petunia said as Vernon walked into the living room. "How'd everything go honey? You're looking much better!"

"Fine Petunia, I just have to take some of these blasted pills for nausea and…" Vernon hesitated for a fraction of a second before brightening up, "and that's it. I'll be good as gold in a few days." Petunia smiled.

"That's wonderful honey! I'm so glad that you're feeling better," she said. Vernon smiled as he hugged his wife.

"Now I'm going to go up to bed and take a nap," he said leaving the pills on the burgundy couch behind him and stuffing the rest of his hamburger in his mouth while he went up the stairs. Petunia took the pills and set them in the medicine cabinet in the kitchen above the sink.

She began humming to herself and absently polishing the china as the phone rang. Petunia folded the wet rag she had been using and set it on the counter before picking up the phone.

"Hello?" she said still humming a little.

"Yes, Mrs. Dursley. This is Karen from Dr. Mullets clinic. And I was just calling to make sure that Mr. Dursley explained the hole therapy-" said a perky receptionist on the other end of the line.

"Therapy! What kind of therapy?" Petunia asked her eyes going wide. What was Vernon not telling her?

"Oh, Mrs. Dursley its nothing to be ashamed of. Yoga is actually very common for his SRD," she said.

"What's SRD?" Petunia asked beginning to get annoyed that Vernon had failed to confide in her.

"SRD stands for stress related diarrhea, it's very common among Mr. Dursley's age group. Nothing to worry about if he continues with the medicine and sets up the proper dates with the therapy," said the perky nurse.

"Yoga is it?" Petunia asked.

"Yes, Dr. Mullet has connections with a very good Yoga instructor, or if that's to inconvenient there is always the Aqua Therapy treatments-"

"No, yoga is quite fine, could I get the number please?" she asked sweetly taking a little magnetic notepad off of the refrigerator door. She pulled a miniature pen off of the side of it and posed her bony fingers over the notepad.

"Of course, I would be happy to give you the information Mrs. Dursley. Now, thephone number is…"

--- --- --- --- ---

**PRESS THE REVIEW BUTTON!**

**EVEN IF YOU DON'T WANT TO!**


	8. Yoga Master

Authors Note: Sorry for the wait, I've been sick and this week at school was the longest I believe all year. Remember **five** reviews until my next update! So review review review! And for those of you who have been waiting for the big bar scene, it's in two or three more chapters. I'm out- Crouchingbunny.

--- --- --- --- ---

Vernon yawned and sat up from the bed looking at the clock on the opposite wall of the room. "Four thirty," he said sitting up and looking out the window. A red convertible rode lazily down the street, a man and a woman were sitting closely together the man's arm was around the woman from what he could see. He sighed and slipped off of the bed. He hadn't bothered to pull the covers over him he had just kicked off his shoes and flopped down on thepillows. Vernon put his house shoes on and stretched before walking out of his room.

"Vernon you're up," Petunia said as he walked into the living room. From the looks of things she had been looking at that blasted Dudley scrap book of hers. He loved Dudley as much as the next guy, but sometimes Petunia took motherly love a step too far into the obsession category.

"Yes, took a little nap. Feeling much better by the way," he said. And it wasn't just the fact that he hadn't yet raced into the bathroom that was making the rest of his day. He didn't have to see that quack anymore after that last walk through the office door. He smiled a little looking around for the paper.

"Well you are looking better," said Petunia innocently closing the book and setting it on the cushion beside her on the loveseat.

"Feeling as fit as a fiddle too," he said securing his paper from the coffee table on his left.

"That's nice dear," said Petunia getting up and smoothing the folds of her skirt.

"I believe this is the longest I've gone without dashing to the loo in days," he said happily scanning through the second page. "Say, where's Dudley? I'd like to take him to see about some new hubcaps he's been wanting."

"Oh, Dudley and Suzannah went to the super market for some things. I'm fixing my special kidney pie and crepe suzette tonight. I wasn't sure if you should be eating it though," she said almost wickedly. The top of Vernon's newspaper folded over as his cheer drooped.

"Well I'm feeling fine now, I'll have some tonight while it's fresh," he said snapping his newspaper back into position. Petunia smirked and picked up her Dudley scrapbook.

"I'm not sure that's such a good idea Vernon," she said. This caused Vernon to fold the newspaper over and put it back on the coffee table.

"And why is that?" he asked raising his eyebrows.

"The strangest thing happened today actually," she said beginning to walk up the stairs to put back the scrapbook.

"Petunia," Vernon said.

"This nurse from Dr. Mullet's office called and had _the _craziest idea," said Petunia lingering on the first step of the staircase. Vernon swallowed hard deciding to play it cool.

"Oh, oh really?" he said pretending not to have the faintest idea as to what his wife was insinuating.

"She seemed to have the idea that you would be taking yoga, but surely you would have told me? The mother of your child, your wife. Your number one confidant," she said shrewdly staring Vernon down with icy eyes. "But I assured her that you would have told me and that there was some mistake, and that you would not _lie _to me. Isn't that right Vernon?"

"Well, you see Petunia," he stammered.

"I see nothing but a husband who is going to yoga with me tomorrow at two," she said and walked haughtily up the stairs. Vernon sputtered for a moment before cursing and throwing the paper across the room.

--- --- --- --- ---

"Dudley what do you think about this one?" Suzie asked picking out a hot pink sleeveless shirt.

"It's fine," he said shifting uncomfortably in the women's clothes section of Foleys.

"All right, lets go find you something," said Suzannah enthusiastically draping the shirt over her arm and grabbing Dudley by the hand. They threaded their way through the women's section and into the men's.

"This one's fine, lets go!" Dudley said grabbing a green Adiddas shirt off of the wall and turning around.

"We'll get that one too, come on Dudley. It's going to look so cute if we have on the same color!" She said pouting a little. Dudley visibly blanched at having to wear pink.

"Actually we need to be going, I'm pretty sure I have a shirt at home that will match that one," he said starting to walk away.

"Dudley you promised!" she said stopping.

"Why do you need a new shirt anyway? What's wrong with the one you have on?" he asked throwing his arms up.

"All right, you're Mum's probably worried about us," she said putting the shirts back. "But we're still going dancing tomorrow right?"

"Yeah."

--- --- --- --- ---

"Damn yoga, damn that quack, damn this spandex!" Vernon said while trying to pull the light green ballet suit out of his umentionable areas. When they had arrived at the gym, Vernon had seen all of the women in skin tight leotards he had immediately relaxed. This wouldn't be so bad after all, were his exact thoughts. That was until they had issued him this awful light green atrocity. Apparently this was the only thing that came anywhere near close to his size, and had belonged to an elderly woman before she dislocated a hip stretching. Besides, it clashed painfully with his sultry complexion, and he was feeling the crepe souzette and kidney pie Petunia had fixed last night.

"Vernon are you ready?" His wife said from outside of the dressing room.

"Yes," he said.

"Well come out."

"No."

"Vernon Heraldus Dursley get out here this instant!" she whispered fiercely.

"I would'nt come out if my life depended on it, and nothing you say or do is going to make a lick of difference. Change back into your clothes Petunia, we are going home," he said observing himself in the full length mirror. He really should stand up to Petunia more often, he had a certain god-like glow about him, he thought.

"Vernon get out here right _now_! I don't care if you look like a pig in a wig, get out here their fixing to start the stretches," she said angrily her voice rising a pitch.

"I am not coming out of this room in this pansy suit, change back into your street clothes Petunia we're leaving." One who happened to be walking outside the changing room at that moment would have observed a bony woman laying next to the door with her mouth under the door crack.

"Vernon if you ever want to sleep in the same bed as me you will get out of that room right this second! I may not be able to move you out of the room, but I refuse to even see you again if you do not get out here!" She practically shrieked under the door crack.

Vernon looked at the mirror again and stiffened his jaw. He may have been a big man, that admittedly did not look so well in spandex, but he had his dignity. But then again dignity, or his wife…

"Vernon are you listening to me? I mean every-"

"I'm coming out Petunia," he said steeling himself before opening the changing room door. As soon as his cushioned feet had touched the floor outside the very air seemed to change as Petunia coldly looked him over.

"All right then lets go," she said before turning around and walking into the gym. Vernon surveyed his wife, who unlike him did not look like someone had tried to cram a rhinoceros into a handbag. Her leotard was pale salmon pink with black leggings, her light brown hair was done up in a small ponytail at the top of her head.

On the floor of the gym was a large purple mat big enough to hold all of the yoga class, the ceiling was about thirty feet high and well lit. Walking in the place Vernon straightened a little and attempted to suck in. Most of the class seemed already assembled in their places on the mat. There were no windows in the room, although if there were there was likely to be a host of adolescent boys staring through it. Like when they had walked in and there had been a few boys about fourteen staring at the women who went in and out the door. He had done his best to stare them down haughtily as he walked through the front door.

Petunia took a seat at the left front corner, Vernon sat down a little ways behind her. Most of the women in the class were casting sideways glances at him, and covering their mouths in silent laughter. Petunia looked back at him with a little smile. The door opened and a perky blonde girl in a purple and hot pink leotard walked in. Vernon recognized her as the receptionist at the doctors office. She waved at Petunia and Petunia waved back. The girl took a seat next to Petunia.

"Hello Mrs. Dursley," she said stretching toward her toes.

"Hello Vicky," said Petunia.

"I think you'll really like it here, the instructor's really _nice_," she said with a wink.

"I'm sure he is," said Petunia.

"Hi Mr. Dursley," said the perky blonde turning around and giving a little wave.

"Hello…" Vernon said trying not to scowl as he was sure she was trying very hard not to laugh at him. About that time the whole room went suddenly quiet as the instructor entered. Vernon noticed a few of the women's eyes slightly glaze over as they stared at him.

Vernon raised his eyebrows as the instructor walked in. He had on a black hoodie and sweatpants. Vernon felt a sudden longing for his own pair of sweatpants stuffed in the bottom of his drawers. The instructor had his shiny black hair tied back in a short ponytail in the nape of his neck.

"Good afternoon," he said turning around to face the class. His nose was slightly hooked and his eyes were black. He took off his hoodie revealing a skintight black undershirt, and a fairly hot bod. Vernon could not help but scowl as the man began to stretch his arms. What on earth have I gotten myself into? He thought.

"I see we have some new recruits," said the yoga master surveying Petunia with interest, and Vernon with poorly concealed horror. "I'm Master Snape," he said. Vernon shot him a warning glare to keep his eyes off his wife. He wasn't sure but maybe he saw a smirk appear under the mans hooked nose before going to stand in front of the entire class. "All right lets begin with our stretches," he said and bent lithely over and touched his nose to his knees and his palms to the floor. Vernon had difficulty even getting up much less bending over.

As he bended over he felt the stretchy spandex ride up even more and a strangled sort of sound from the woman behind him.Vernon was much more occupied in trying to get his hands passed his knees to care if she had fainted or not. Apparently stretching was going to take much longer than he suspected. Petunia however, was having much less difficulty in stretching as she touched her palms to the floor as well as the yoga master.

"All right now lets stretch our arms," the yoga master lifted his arms above his head and wound them all the way behind his back. Vernon made a constipated looking face as his arms would go no further back than an inch or two. After a few more of these stretches Vernon began wondering when the real yoga would start. Right now they were doing some ridiculous sitting dove or some such thing. Master Snape had his left leg behind his head and his left arm looped around his ankle. His right arm was pulling his right knee up to his chest. Something that Vernon would have found impossible even if he were in shape. Vernon began to get frustrated with the yoga masters increasing apparent flexibility and hot bod as with his own spandex leotard riding up into unmentionable places.

"See how she does this? Her leg is perfectly straight," Master Snape said motioning toward Petunia. He walked over ignoring Vernon's growls as he approached his wife. The other women in the room looked enviously over at Petunia as Master Snaperan his fingersalong her calf and grasped her foot. "See how she keeps even her foot straight?"

Vernon who had given up a long time ago on this position glared hard at the man touching his wife's foot, and obviously enjoying it. If he was not mistaken he thought he had seen the man wink flirtatiously at Petunia and then smile devilishly at him while demonstrating his inhuman flexibility once again by returning to the aforementioned position. Through out the rest of the class Yoga Master Snape continued to pay special attention to Petunia.

"You see how her neck tilts, her wrist tenses, her toes spread," continued the master. Vernon's circuits blew about that time.

"Sir, pardon me but GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF MY WIFE!" he bellowed at the yoga master. Snape looked quizzically at him for a moment before smirking.

"Mr. Dursley, you are going to have to quiet down or leave my class. I'm sure Ms. Dursley is quite comfortable aren't you?" Petunia remained expressionless.

"Don't you talk to my wife!" Vernon yelled.

"Mr. Dursley, calm down or I shall have to call the authorities. Now if we can get back to our lesson," Snape turned around and walked to the front of the classroom again. Vernon's two eyebrows melded together in consternation as he saw the yoga master eye Petunia even more interestedly than before. Damn bastard, he thought clenching his fists.

Soon enough class was over and Vernon got to finally change out of his spandex leotard. As he quickly got out of the dressing room he saw a few women still in there leotards talking to the yoga master, Petunia included.

Vernon stalked over to them seeing that the yoga master had pulled off his shirt revealing an impressive six pack and a tattoo of a snake twirled around a rose with the word _MOM_ on a piece of paper coming out of the snakes mouth over his heart. Also revealing a crown just below his navel and slightly above the bottom of his black sweatpants. Also upon closer examination had another snake tattoo on his wrist. He was motioning to the one over his heart. "Ruffian," Vernon muttered under his breath as he approached.

"Hello Vernon," Petunia said smiling as he walked up.

"Hello Petunia, get dressed so we can get home," he said. Petunia nodded and began to walk off waving to Vicky and smiling back at the yoga instructor who's smile deepened as Petunia walked towards the dressing rooms. His eyes were glued to his wife's bottom, before he smirked at Vernon and raised a mocking eyebrow before his gaze returned to his wife's backside. Vernon gritted his teeth and sent a decent blow to the yoga masters hooked nose. Vernon felt the man's nose break on impact sending the man flying off his feet and a pretty good distance away.

Vernon stood there for a second breathing heavily and feeling rather good about himself at the moment. The rest of the women ran immediately to Master Snape's side screaming over him as blood ran from his nose. "He's out cold!" said one of them. Petunia ran back at all the screaming, took one look at Snape out cold on the yoga mat and Vernon massaging his fist with a look of triumph and smiled. She jumped into his arms.

"Oh Vernon!" she said righting herself.

"Let's get out of here," he said and they ran outside determined to get back home before some one called the authorities. Besides, Petunia was looking more attractive than she had in years and hadn't yet took off the leotard,also Vernon didn't want to waste his newly found confidence.

--- --- --- --- ---

**PRESS** THE**REVIEW **BUTTON! **YOU** KNOW**YOU** WANT** TOO**!


	9. Clubbin'

Authors Note: Sorry for the wait. I had severe writers block on this chapter. I just couldn't get it the way I wanted it. I rewrote it three times, and for those of you who review thankyou so much! Remember **five** reviews. (I know pathetic, butwhat canI say? I like reviews.)On to the chapter! I'm out, -Crouchingbunny.

--- --- --- --- ---

"Yeah mum," said Dudley to Petunia as she yet again reminded him to be careful and to lock the door after they got home. As if he weren't already ready enough to leave.

"All right, you kids have fun," Petunia said sending Suzannah a poisonous glare behind Dudley's back which changed into a smile as soon as Suzannah looked up from her makeup case. Suzie smiled back at Petunia and waved before snapping her makeup case shut and sticking it in the glove department of Dudley's silver Mercedes.

"Bye mum, have fun at the spa," said Dudley and turned around and got in the car. He proceeded to honk the horn vigorously for Harry to hurry up. Petunia opened the front door and yelled for Harry to hurry up. Harry climbed slowly down the staircase and got into the back of the Mercedes. Vernon and Petunia were spending some alone time with each other, and he was forced to either go with Dudley and his girlfriend _clubbing _(apparently there were no actual clubs involved in this particular activity, much to his dismay) or spend the evening listening to his aunt and uncle… ew.

Dudley started the car and locked the doors. "Alright, my cousin said that she'll meet up with us at the Wick. It's over on-"

"I know where the Wick is," said Dudley pulling out of the driveway.

"Oh, I'm sorry Dudley. Have you ever been there Harry?" Suzannah asked pulling down the sun visor so she could see Harry instead of having to turn around in the seat and wrinkle her night-on the-town clothes.

"No," Harry said slouching down a little in the back seat.

"You'll love it, they always have the best music and lights," she said.

"Oh really," said Harry disinterestedly.

"Oh my god, I just thought of _the _most wonderful idea. My cousin's date bailed on her and maybe you could fill in!" said Suzannah smiling. Harry blanched.

"Er…" said Harry glancing at Dudley in the rearview mirror. Dudley was smiling despite that fact that he would much rather have nailed his feet to the floor rather than take Harry anywhere with his girlfriend.

"Come on Harry, she's really cute. You are going to love her," she said enthusiastically.

"Actually I've already got a girlfriend," he lied.

"Oh, well I'm sure she won't mind. It's just this one night," continued Suzie, "Nothing serious."

"Harry's right he has a girlfriend, and since he'd feel guilty about going to the Wick with some other girl lets just leave him in the car," said Dudley.

"Dudley! That is so mean," Suzannah said slapping Dudley ;ightly on the shoulder. "He didn't mean that Harry."

"Actually I did," said Dudley.

"Dudley!" shrieked Suzannah.

"What?"

"You are so… _mean!_" she said giggling.

"Yeah," he said grinning manically as he concentrated on the road. Several children began to cry, while several adults were severely freaked out. Suzannah turned on the radio.

"IT'S GETTING' HOT IN HERE! So hot-" Dudley turned the radio off cringing.

"I'm not sure Harry likes this song, do you Harry?" he asked halfheartedly shooting his cousin a just-agree-with-me look.

"Oh, er, yeah… I really hate that kind of music…"

"So what kind of music do you listen to Harry?" she asked.

"Er… uh…" he stuttered. He had never really gotten into the popular teen culture scene, muggle, or wizard.

"Harry hates all music," Dudley said quickly wishing he had dropped Harry off at the last dark alley, "It dulls his hatred."

"Yeah…" Harry said slowly. Suzannah raised an eyebrow before rolling her eyes.

"Then why did you come?" sheasked suddenly.

"Oh look we're here," said Dudley before Harry could answer, pulling into a jammed parking lot around a black building with neon lights above the doors and flashing rainbows of colors shootingfrom the windows. "If I can find a parking spot," he said cruising past a long line of shiny black cars.

"There's one over there," Suzie said pointing a ways into the third row.

"I don't want to park way down there," said Dudley.

"Dudley, we aren't going to get any closer just park here before we have to walk two blocks to get here," she said angrily. Harry silently debated whether this was worse than the time he accidentally gave himself a wedgie jumping off of his broom. Dudley pulled into the spot and pocketed the keys.

"All right lets go," said Suzannah checking her hair in the mirror before opening the car door and getting out. She was wearing a black leather mini and a hot pink one strapped shirt. The top part of her hair was pulled back with a few strands pulled out to frame her face. She had a small hot pink handbag hanging off of one shoulder with a few rhinestones glittering on it. Her black sandals laced up to her ankles and stood a good two inches off of the ground from the stiletto heel. Dudley was wearing a blue plaid shirt and jeans along with some dark brown Docks. Harry had contented himself to wearing his good black pair of jeans, his green plaid shirt, and sneakers.

"Are you sure this is the place you want to go dancing at?" Dudley asked surveying the abandoned factory type building, and the artfully graffitied street lights.

"It's fine, besides I told my cousin that we'd meet her here," she said wrapping her arm through Dudley's and smiling at Harry. Harry felt much more like sitting in the car and refusing to leave it until they were back at Privet drive, then again who new how long he would have to stay out here in the dark. He should have brought some homework or something.

"Name?" Asked a tall bald guy with a black goatee as they stopped at the door.

"Suzannah Piper, and that's Suzannah with a Z and an H," she said standing up on her tip toes to look at the clipboard he was holding.

"All right," said the goatee guy pushing clipboard out of her view, "GINA!" he bellowed into a radio. A few seconds later a woman with a small black afro and blonde highlights came and stamped all of their hands with a star stamp that glowed in the blacklight above the bouncer. Dudley fished out some money and paid the woman.

"Have a good time," she said.

"We will," said Dudley as he put his wallet back in his pocket. The bouncer opened the door for Suzannah and music blared out from the opening. YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! Harry winced and thought he saw Dudley clap his hands over his ears for a moment before closing the door behind them.

"Lets go find a place to sit for a while," said Suzannah surveying the crowded dance floor. Harry had trouble distinguishing her voice above the blaring music and the blinding flashes of rainbow lights.

"What?" asked Dudley looking as dazed as Harry felt.

"LET'S GO SIT DOWN!" she yelled above the music.

"ALL RIGHT!" Dudley yelled back.

--- --- --- --- ---

"Dudley let's dance," Suzannah said pulling at Dudley's sleeve. Dudley who seemed in want of a severe painkiller sat rooted to his spot.

"Shouldn't we wait for your cousin?" he asked.

"She'll see me on the dance floor or call me," she said and folded her arms. "Come on Dudley, why did you even come if you didn't want to dance? If you don't dance with me I'll find someone who will!"

"I'm going to dance with you… just not right now… the dance floor is too crowded," Dudley said.

"All right, I can see you don't want to dance Dudley," her gaze roved over to Harry who was finishing off a root beer. "Harry," she said. Harry's eyebrows shot up and with a mouth full of root beer was unable to protest or even shake his head without choking himself to death on soda. "Harry will dance with me, won't you Harry?" She asked feebly as Harry shot Dudley a look that said _help me_. Not that Suzannah was ugly or deformed or anything, she was actually quite pretty. But she was _Dudley's _girlfriend and a bit of the poor little rich girl type. Besides, he shuddered to think of what kind of dancing he would be subjected to.

"OH MY GOSH SUZIE!" shrieked a girls voice over the blare of the music. Suzannah turned around and began shrieking.

"OH MY GOSH LISA!" Suzannah ran and hugged the girl. After a few moments of them shrieking at each other in 'OMG I _CANNOT _BELIEVE IT! I LOVE WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO YOUR HAIR' mode.

"So who's this?" asked Lisa looking at Harry and Dudley.

"This is my boyfriend Dudley, and his cousin Harry," said Suzannah smiling and grabbed Dudley's hand.

"Hi, I'm Lisa," said the girl.

"Hey," said Dudley glad that Harry had his own girl to dance with now so he could have Suzannah to himself. Harry swallowed his mouthful of root beer and managed a hello. Lisa had her hair done in the same style as Suzannah with the top pulled back, along with the same dark blue eyes and strait hair. The only real difference between the two was that Suzannah had blonde hair and Lisa had brown, that, and the fact that Suzannah's color theme was hot pink while Lisa's was electric blue. Other than that they could have been twins.

"It has been at least half a month since I've seen you," said Suzannah.

"Tell me about it, it's been almost that long since school's let out. Did you see what Joan Harper wore to Clarise Greenley's sweet sixteen party? I cannot believe her father let her out of the house in that," said Lisa sitting down next to Harry. Harry was immediately swamped with the smell of jasmine perfume.

"I know, but what I can't believe is that Clarise's father let her _in_ the house looking like that," Suzannah said and they burst into peals of laughter.

--- --- --- --- ---

After a few minutes of sitting and gossiping Lisa leaned back in the chair and sighed. "Come on Harry lets dance."

"All right," Harry said beginning to get bored as well. He was a guy, not like he was going to turn down dancing with a pretty girl that didn't happen to be his cousins girlfriend. Dudley and Suzannah were left sitting at the table. Suzannah folded her arms and scowled. Dudley leaned back in his chair.

"Well?" Suzannah asked peevishly. Dudley got up and grabbed her out of the chair. Suzannah visibly perked up as they went out to the dance floor.

"What are we doing tomorrow?" she asked staring up at Dudley through the flashing blue light above them. He looked _so_ handsome, she though smiling dazzlingly.

"Mum and Dad are supposed to be going to some spa in Ireland the rest of the week. We'll have the house to ourselves… I can think of a few things," he said grinning. She giggled.

--- --- --- --- ---

"So what school do _you _go to?" Lisa asked Harry. They had sat at an abandoned table after the second guy with blue hair had asked Harry to do the pop. It was a pretty good place out of the line of fire from all of the flashing lights, or blue haired wierdos.

"St. Brutus'," he said leaning back in the chair. He hated to admit it, but he was actually having fun. Despite the blue haired guys. Lisa's eyes lit up for a second.

"_Oh_, you're from St Brutus'. Are you one of those _bad _boys?" she asked teasingly. She'd been there before topick her cousin Alfred, due to him being suspended a week for spray painting the Dean after he took his pills, and then hanging him in the auditorium. Most of the guys there had been punks, misunderstood artists and, motorcycle types. (Of course her father had sternly kept her within arms reach as tograb her and throw her out the window before he would let herget withintouching distance of"those ruffians".)Something that she, living in the sheltered life that she had, was quite curious about.

"The worst," he said laughing.

"Really?" she askedsmiling. "What sports do you play?"

"I don't play sports," he said, his mind flashing back to Quidditch. Then to the broom that Sirius had gave him. A brief flash of grief raced through his heart and his eyes faded.

"Are you okay Harry?" Lisa asked concernedly. This boy was nothing but mysteries. She liked mysteries.

"Yeah, it's dark over here. Lets go back on the floor," he said beginning to get up.

"Wait! Don't you want to stay here?" Lisa said. Harry looked down at Lisa. Her dark blue eyes reflected the lights behind him. Forgetting the scary blue haired guys he leaned down and pressed his lips to hers.

--- --- --- --- ---

"I love you," Dudley said to Suzannah.

"I love you too," she said swinging her hand a little in Dudley's. They were making their way off of the dance floor and out of the lights.

"I really love you," he said stopping on the edge of the floor where the polished black faded to wood paneling. She smiled and reached a hand up to smooth some hair out of her face, Dudley grabbed her hand and smoothed it away himself. Dudley leaned down to kiss her and she looped her arms around his neck, breathing in his cologne.

Suzannah opened her eyes and looked beyond Dudley's shoulder. Puzzled for a moment by the lack of flashing lights, she thought she saw something. She broke the kiss and laced her hand through Dudley's again.

"Let's go out to the car," said Dudley. Suzannah looked into the shadowy corner and stopped in her tracks.

"Dudley isn't that…" she said.

"Yeah…" said Dudley staring. _Way to go Harry_, he thought.

"Let's go back to the dance floor," she said and dragged Dudley behind her.

--- --- --- --- ---

"Well I guess you had a good time," Dudley said as he and Harry leaned against the wall across from the ladies room door waiting for Suzannah and Lisa.

"Yeah," said Harry rubbing the back of his neck.

"And?" Dudley asked feeling closer to Harry now that he knew he wasn't gay. That whole screaming 'Cedric' in the middle of the night had had him nearly convinced.

"And what," Harry said. Was he supposed to brag or something?

"Never mind," said Dudley rolling his eyes. Harry didn't even brag like a normal guy. Was there no end to his freakishness? Dad was right, he _was _abnormal.

--- --- --- --- ---

"So maybe we can go skating tomorrow?" Lisa asked.

"Sure, I'll ask Dudley. But if he doesn't want to come we could have a girls day out," Suzie said putting her mascara back in her purse, and taking out the lip gloss. She examined her reflection in the ladies room mirror.

"Yeah, but maybe you could ask Harry if he wanted to come too?"

"Harry?" she started. "Why would you want Harry to come?"

"No reason," Lisa said quickly staring down at the floor. "Why do you care if Harry comes or not?" she asked.

"I don't," Suzie said putting the lip gloss back in her purse.

"You wouldn't though, would you? You have a boyfriend," she said accusingly.

"I know I have a boyfriend, what about you? I could care less if you like Harry, just stay away from Dudley," she said shouldering her purse with a glare.

"I would never," Lisa said smiling.

"Ice skating tomorrow?" Suzannah asked as they exited the ladies room.

"Of course," Lisa said smiling at Harry, who grinned back.

--- --- --- --- ---

PrEsS tHe ReViEw BuTtOn YoU kNoW yOu WaNt ToO!

which IN the CASE that YOU don't WANT to PRESS it ANYWAY!


	10. Man in the Shadows

**Authors Note**: So long since a good update. I feel bad, but I had writers block so there's no helping it. I hope you guys like the chappie. Expect the next update sooner. Much love, -CB.

--- --- --- --- ---

"Yes, and?" Suzannah said in a bothered way as she looked through her selection of nail polish.

"Well, I heard Lisa say she had a major crush on that Harry guy," said Janet on the other end of the line.

"So what, what do I care?" She asked picking up a small bottle of pink corral.

"Someone's bitter," said Janet.

"I'm not bitter, just tired. Speaking of which I think I'll go to bed right now if we're going to play 'What mood is Suzannah in?'" she said prepared to slam the phone onto the receiver. Sometimes Janet did not know when to stop.

"What is the matter with you? Normally you'd be all 'OH MY GOSH! We can double! We should _so _double, I'll call Dudley!'," said Janet her normally nasal voice taking on a high mimicking pitch. "Unless… oh my gosh, do you like him? Lisa said that you were acting weird when she said she wanted to go with him. Oh my gosh! Have you-"

"Shut up Janet, I'm tired, let's leave it at that. Call someone who cares about your little fantasies, like _Lisa_. I'm sure you two will have loads to talk about considering that you've already decided that I've forgotten all about Dudley. Which I would never do!" she said and slammed the phone down. It missed the receiver and fell to the floor. She made a frustrated noise and picked it up off of the floor to slam it down right. She put the polish back on the dresser and laid down on the bed. Janet was such a _nettler_, she had no personal life of her own so she had to hang on every little thread of gossip that came her way. Someone knocked at the door, she looked up.

"Come in," she said.

"Are you okay? I thought I heard something fall," Dudley said shrugging into the room.

"I'm fine," she said and patted the bed next to her for him to sit down. He shut the door behind him and sat. He kissed her, after a moment she pushed him away.

"What?" he asked.

"Do you think I'm bitter?" she asked, propping herself up on one elbow.

"No," he said and kissed her again.

"Good."

"Why?" he asked stopping.

"No reason," she said grinning. Why did it matter what Lisa and Janet _thought_. It wasn't true, Lisa just didn't understand the depth of her and Dudley's relationship. Dudley leaned over her.

"Wait," she said slipping out from under Dudley's arm.

"What is it now?" Dudley asked exasperatedly. Now she probably wanted to _talk_, honestly didn't girls do anything other than talk? Not that he minded listening when it was Suzannah who was doing the talking, but when there were other things that he would much rather be doing that _talking_.

"In your parents house?" she said.

"So they're not home," he said.

"Yeah but… ew… what if… ew…" she said getting up off of the bed and straightening her appearance. Dudley was confused for a minute before jumping off of the bed himself. This was his parents house after all, and what they did in the privacy of it's walls was their business. But there was still no way of knowing if they… ew. He forbade himself even to think on it.

--- --- --- --- ---

"Alright Dudley, yes, I understand. I just don't think it's a good idea to go ice skating again. Remember what happened last time?" Petunia said to Dudley on her cell phone.

"Yes Mum, Suzannah's cousin is coming with us," he said.

"Why is she coming?" asked Petunia.

"She's _Harry's _date," Dudley said trying to ignore the fact that they were supposed to be gone twenty minutes ago.

"_Harry's _date…" She said mulling the thought around in her already gossip ridden head. "Why doesn't Harry take her by himself?" she said beginning to sound snappish. It was one thing for Dudley to have a girlfriend that she hated, but it was another for Harry to have a girlfriend she hated.

"Harry doesn't have a car Mum," Dudley said glancing at the clock on the wall.

"Dudley come on, Lisa's been waiting at the skating rink for ten minutes already," Suzannah said stepping into the kitchen. She was wearing a gray jacket along with a dark pink scarf, and light blue jeans. Her hair was up in the usual half up half down tail.

"Bye mum, hope you're having fun," he said and hung up.

--- --- --- --- ---

"I was beginning to get worried about you guys!" Lisa said as they met up with her outside the skating rink doors. "What were you doing?"

"Mrs. Dursley called, she's on vacation with Mr. Dursley, and she just called for the hundredth time to check on us," Suzannah said. Although in her oppinion she was just making sure that Dudley and her weren't doing anything that would make heel marks on the wall. Seriously she was starting to like Dudley's mother less and less.

"Oh well that's cool, I wish you would have called Suz. I was starting to wonder if something had come up," said Lisa who had latched onto Harry's arm as soon as he had come within touching range.

"Well I tried but your line was busy," she said trying not to make a face as Lisa's fingers grasped Harry's. Not quite succeeding she looked as if a bug had just flown up her nose.

"It's hot out here," said Dudley grabbing Suzannah's hand and leading her inside. Indeed it could not have been too comfortable standing out in the summer sun wearing thick jeans, boots, and jacket as he was.

--- --- --- --- ---

"So Janet talked to me yesterday night, she says that you hung up on her. What's up with that?" Lisa asked as she laced up the strings on one of her skates.

"Nothing, she was just being annoying. You know Janet," said Suzannah.

"Well she thinks that you're mad at her or something, you aren't are you? Because if you are-"

"I'm not mad at her, she was just getting on my nerves," she said testily.

"I get on your nerves too but that doesn't mean you slam the phone down whenever I call you," said Lisa tapping a foot.

"Can we talk about this some other time? I didn't come here to talk about Janet, or anyone else in particular. I came here to skate with Dudley, why don't you go and skate with Harry?" she was beginning to get tired of playing twenty questions.

"All right. I think it's someone's time of the month," said Lisa grinning as Harry came up. Suzannahs cheeks flamed as she stalked over to Dudley, trying not to gag as Lisa began to chatter to Harry about his shirt. He was wearing a sweater with a large decorative H on it.

--- --- --- --- ---

"Look at them," Suzannah muttered to herself, "I bet they're having fun… they make me _sick._" A burning sensation started in the pit of her stomach as she watched Harry and Lisa on the ice. She had settled herself at a table in the darkest corner she could find. Of course, Dudley would be back any minute, so her mood shouldn't last long.

_I mean, come on. Why would Harry, I mean _**Dudley** _find Lisa attractive at all,_ Suzannah thought angrily trying not to glare at her cousin and her date. _I mean, look at those jeans. They have at least five holes in them. We decided two months ago that any more holes that three looked trashy. _

"You okay Miss?" asked a voice a little to her left. She turned and saw a man standing in the shadows beside her.

"Oh, um yes," she said shirking a little from the shadows.

"You look as if some one just stuck a Frostbite Fungi down your pants," he said nonchalantly. Suzannah frowned and wrinkled her nose. Despite not knowing what a 'frostbite fungi' was, this guy was annoying.

"Er… alright," she said still frowning. She looked back onto the ice wishing she had brought her pepper spray with her instead of leaving it in her purse in the car. The guy had a voice that sounded as if he had the whole day to waste. After a while of silence -and much glaring on Suzannah's part- Harry and Lisa pulled into a corner and started to kiss. "Oh please," she said forgetting the guy beside her. She suppressed the urge to yell something inappropriate at them.

"Enough to make you puke, isn't it?" said the guy. Suzannah scowled and turned around trying to get a better look at the guy. He was so deep in the shadows she could barely make out his outline. _Funny_, she thought, _it shouldn't be this dark in the skating rink_.

"Not really," she lied wishing he would go away.

"Of course not, that's why your disposition is so kind and welcoming," said the man, sarcasm dripping from every word.

"Will you go away?" she said agitated. _Where are you Dudley?_ she thought looking around for Dudley.

"No," said the guy. She couldn't tell, but it seemed as if her were leaning against the wall. She rolled her eyes and pushed herself away from the table.

"Wait!" said the guy reaching out to grab her sweater. She jerked away, her heart beating fast. "I mean, don't go. I think we can help each other."

"I don't need your help," she said squinting her eyes. She still couldn't make out his features.

"Of course not," he said, "I should have known better. I mean what with all of the sitting around in dark corners away from that oaf of a body guard you call your boyfriend."

"Who are you?" she asked unable to see him although there was a light on a few feet away.

"That doesn't matter," he said. "I know what you want."

"And what is that?" she asked.

"You want…" he paused for a second as if someone were whispering in his ear.

"Well?" she said impatiently. Where on earth was Dudley?

"You want Harry," his voice was filled with sly understanding.

"What? I _have _a boyfriend. A good boyfriend, much better than… Harry," she said, eyes wide. How did this _freak_ know? He couldn't know.

"I didn't say that you didn't have a boyfriend, I stated merely that you were unsatisfied with the one you have."

"I'm leaving, you are crazy. I suggest an insane asylum," she said and walked off in search of Dudley.

--- --- --- --- ---

"So I'm guessing you had fun babe?" Lisa said hugging Harry close. They looked as if they were attached at the hip.

"Sure," said Harry giving a blue haired guy a wide berth as he passed.

"Great, so what do you want to do tomorrow?" Lisa asked Harry. Dudley and Suzannah walked a few paces behind them, strangely enough they weren't holding hands. The expression on Suzannah's face was thoughtful and a little sour.

"I don't know," frankly he didn't care too much what they did as long as they got out of the house.

"I know!" Lisa's eyes lit up and she looked back at Dudley and Suzannah, "We can all go too the mall and-"

"Actually I can't go," said Suzannah as Dudley opened his own mouth to deny the request to go 'malling'.

"Why not Suz? You love the mall," said Lisa stopping and turning around to face her cousin.

"I just want to spend some time by… with Dudley."

"Well you can spend time with Dudley at the mall can't you?" Lisa said letting go of Harry.

"No, Dudley hates the mall. I've gone somewhere everyday since I've got here. I want to spend some time this summer actually resting," said Suzannah. Dudley raised his eyebrows. Lisa stood speechless for a moment as if the thought of someone hating the mall was beyond her comprehension. Even more odd, Suzannah didn't want to go somewhere? That was the weirdest thing of all.

"We can go by ourselves Lisa," said Harry grabbing her hand. Lisa looked back to Harry for a moment as if forgetting who he was.

"Oh… of course," she said and gave a weak smile.

"It's almost four thirty. We should get back home," said Dudley glancing at the gold watch on his wrist. Mum would be calling and if he didn't answer… oh he had better answer. She just might come home early…

"Right, we should be getting home," said Suzannah and set off with Dudley behind her.

--- --- --- --- ---

"Oh no!" Suzannah said as she settled in the passenger seat of Dudley's Mercedes.

"What is it?" Dudley asked.  
"I can't find my purse, I must have left it in the rink!" she said.

"I'll go and get it," said Dudley opening his car door slightly.

"No!" she said and grabbed Dudley's shoulder. When he looked at her she tried a smile, "I mean, I'll go and get it. I know where it's at. It'll be quicker," she pecked Dudley on the cheek before practically vaulting out of the car door.

--- --- --- --- ---

While passing Harry and Lisa saying good bye on the other side of the building she couldn't resist the urge to kick a rock at them. Instead of landing in Lisa's mouth it whizzed by and dented an expensive looking viper. She made a frustrated noise before running through the door or the rink.

Inside was the custodian beginning his mop down of the resting/eating area. When he looked up she smiled. "I forgot my purse I'll be out of your way in a second," she said putting on all of her charm. The man nodded and gave her a wink before returning to his work. As soon as her back was turned she rolled her eyes. Of course she hadn't left her purse in here, she had made sure that she had stuffed it so far under the passenger seat that no one would know where is was until she came back and miraculously found the missing item. She took a deep breath and went to the table she had sat at.

"Hello?" she whispered into the shadow. They weren't as dark as she remembered nor as thick. She bit her bottom lip before glancing over her shoulder at the custodian. He was busy ringing out his mop. "Is anyone here?" she said just a little louder. After a few seconds, and nothing happened she sighed. It had been foolish of her to come back, after all it was probably just a coincidence that the guy had known about…

"And all along I thought you didn't need my help," said the voice again. She jerked her head up and looked once again into thick shadows.

"I don't need your help exactly, but rather I'm curious," she said averting her eyes to the custodian still hard at work on the other side of the resting area. Apparently he hadn't noticed anything.

"Curious? As to how I know this, simple really. Anyone with eyes could see you are eaten up with jealousy."

"Jealous, hardly. Not of Lisa, not exactly. I should be happy with Dudley-"

"I don't want to hear about your little love affairs Miss, I just want a favor in return for a favor."

"What favor? You haven't done anything."

"Not yet."

"Well, what can you do?" she asked. She could barely make out the man's outline in the darkness. Her skin was beginning to feel clammy and she edged farther away from the shadows, she could almost swear they were _moving_.

"Trust me when I say, you have no idea," he said. The sudden change in his voice stopped her from retorting. His voice up until now had been smooth, calculated, almost meticulous in his choice of vocabulary. Now it was withheld, indrawn, and dark. Her first instinct was to run away.

"I can't see you…" she said. "Step into the light."

"You wish to see me?" said the man. Suzannah paused for a second and then nodded. The man stepped into the light, and she put a hand over her mouth...

--- --- --- --- ---

You knowthe drill, so review. Everyone who reviews gets a free spoiler.


	11. Eleviticus Azulansus

**Authors note**: Oh dear what's it been, three, four months? I've been bad. I don't deserve such avid readers! But I've already started on the next chapter. So expect it sometime next week. If not feel free to e-mail me and tell me off. So, this chapter is soo different from all of the other chapters... well maybe not the last one. So read and review. Remember, spoilers! By the way if any of you have suggestions or ideas for the story go ahead and throw 'em at me, I could use a few freshideas. I'm out, -Crouchingbunny.

--- --- --- --- ---

Suzannah gasped and not because the man that had just come out of the shadows towered over her, or because something rather pointy was protruding out of his ominous looking thundercloud black coat -raising the age old question of 'Is that a wand in your pants or are you just happy to see me?'- but because of the shocking blue head of electrifying hair growing out of his head. One of his eyes was a dark mulberry while the other was a bright mossy green. His whole appearance was rather shocking, and Suzannah didn't know whether to run away screaming or point and laugh. In hindsight she probably could have done both. But she settled on standing there witha hand over her mouth, glittery pink lip gloss rubbing into her palm.

"You see what he's done to me?" The man asked almost bored, looking down at her a little forlornly. He was surprisingly tall, imposingly so. His blue hair was deviously spiked, adding at least two inches to an already impeccable height. His mulberry eye seemed to draw the shadows in, while the green one made her feel as if it were drawing her consciousness into it's mossy depths.

"What who's done to you?" she asked stupidly, swaying slightly as she looked into the green eye.

"Idiot wench! We don't have time for stupid questions! Harry! Harry! HARRY!" A voicesaid as two ice cold hands clamped onto her shoulders from behind. She jumped, the connection between herself and the green eye broken, and suppressed a scream as a second blue haired man entered her field of vision, and the ice cold hands were removed from her shoulders. She repressed a shiver.

"Alton," drawled the first blue haired man leaning against the wall, "I thought I told you to wait outside in the car." Suzannah couldn't help noticing how much taller the first blue haired man was than the second. At least a good foot and a half.

"Don't you just stand there drawling like that Perceas. I'm not in the mood and you are not going to screw this up for me!" Alton said fiercely, the tips of his blue hair vibrating. Unlike Perceas his eyes were both a light watery brown, and there was nothing captivating about his appearance in the least. Suzannah feltthe urge to slap him, just a smidgeon bigger than the urge to ask just what a 'wench' was.

"How?" sheasked before the shorter man grabbed her by the shoulders again, looked her square in the face with his watery eyes and began to shake her.

"I don't have time for stupid questions you little muggle! Now you had better-"

"Let go of me!" She shouted before shoving the man's icy hands away, her heart racing. She turned around and looked for the janitor, he was standing in the doorway of the men's room, frozen in mid step,mop in hand. He was balancing on one foot, knee bent at a decidedly unpleasant angle to maintain. She shivered and took in a deep breath. Something unnatural was going on, that's when she started to get scared.

"Who are you people?" she asked trying not to show her fear, although her breath was coming in steadily deeper and harsher gasps.

"Who are we? Who are _we_?"asked Alton in disbelief, or exasperation, Suzannah couldn't quite tell which. "Perceas," he said gesturing boldly to his taller accomplice, "she wants to know who the bloody hell we are!" Suzannah was beginning to suspect the short man with the blue hair was a tad bit touched in the head, or at least few sandwiches short of a picnic basket, or just completely start raving mad.

"Well then I suggest that we tell her," Perceas said leaning against the wall more profoundly. Alton merely gasped disbelievingly, his watery eyes rolling.

"I say we forget the introductions and _make_ the little muggle do what she's told before I go completely INSANE!" Alton yelled, a manic glow coming into his watery eyes.

"Alton, calm yourself before I have to find another vassal," Perceas said bored, as he came off the wall and patted his crazy friend sadly on the shoulder. He looked at Suzannah, who by now was positively shaking in her manicure. "As you might have guessed my _dear_ I am Perceas, and my pleasant friend here is Alton. And I," Alton shot him a glare, "excuse me, _we_, have a proposition to offer you." Suzannah was all but petrified as she nodded, shoving her French tipped nails into the pockets of her gray sweatshirt.

"Our," Perceas paused, a thoughtful and somewhat resentful expression settling on his face.

"Get on with it!" yelled Alton clenching his fists, his eyes looking about ready to pop out of their sockets. Perceas ignored him before relaxing his tense posture.

"Our _master_, that is our erm," he coughed, "boss, would like it _very_ much if you would help us with playing a little _prank_ on the young Harry Potter." He gazed into her own blue eyes. She felt a tad bit light headed, his green eye enveloping her in a warm and transfixing haze.

"A prank?" she asked drowsily. Alton snickered behind a pale hand, his eyes and nose crinkling unattractively.

"Yes. A prank," said Perceas looking annoyed at the positively cackling Alton.

"Whatever for? Harry's nice… after all… he would… he would…" she couldn't think clearly, at all. Her mind was finding it impossibly difficult to string together a single line of thought. Even her vision was starting to wane, the edges becoming blurred as if trying to see through the bottom of a glass. The only thing that she could clearly make out through her hazy vision was Perceas' mossy bright green eye.

"That's right little muggle, look into the eye!" Alton practically fell on the floor he was cackling so hard.

"Concentrate Alton, I don't want to have tohit you _again_," Perceas said now that Suzannah's eyes were gazing unfocused at his face.

"But we're back in! They'll accept us back now! Yes! Now I can finally show that rotten whelp Wormtail what it means when I say I will be back! And you helped me do it Perceas! I think…I think I love you." Alton tried to go in for a hug, but Perceas pulled a wand out of his robes and pressed the tip to Alton's heart. Alton froze staring fiercely at the taller man.

"Don't get soft on me now Maddox," Perceas whispered warningly to Alton, "It would be an awful shame to have gotten this far and have to kill you. And when we were so close to getting our honor back." Alton shot him a mutinous glance before shifting his watery gaze to Suzannah, and grinned.

"Don't even _think_ about it Alton."

"You never let me have any fun," Alton pouted, then brightening said, "at least I can get rid of this hair. Damn, it's been bothering since… well you know."

"Yeah, I know," Perceas said, "now let's get this over with," he said before taking his wand and pointing at Suzannah, her blue eyes staring blankly back at him.

--- --- --- --- ---

"Where on earth is she?" Dudleyasked leaning over the steering wheel looking for Suzannah.

"Uh, chill Dudley. Suzannah can _so_ take care of herself," Lisa said putting down her compact. Harry sat there staring blankly out the window, his brow creased slightly.

"That's it, I'm going to go and look for her," Dudley said and opened the car door.

"Dudley!" Lisa said, but he had already slammed the door shut and ran around the building. "God! I am _so_ glad that he is not my boyfriend," Lisa said rolling her eyes and sitting back against the seat. She looked over at Harry. His eyes were closed and he was leaning his head against his hand.

"Harry what's wrong?" she asked touching his shoulder. He jerked as if coming out of a trance. He looked back at her, lightly touching a scar on his forehead. Lisa frowned for a second, since when did Harry have a scar?

"Nothing," he said.

"Oh… when did… oh never mind," she said. Honestly, Harry was _such_ a pain wimp. She had bitten him on the lip the other night when they were at the club he had actually yelped, yeah actually _yelped_ she hadn't even drawn blood. Her old boyfriend had never yelped, especially not when she bit him. _I bet Dudley doesn't yelp_, she thought scanning her nails. She would have to repaint them, the red was coming off of the tips. Maybe she'd give Dennis a call back, after all he hadn't cheated on _her_.

--- --- --- --- ---

Petunia relaxed at the touch of the masseuse on her shoulders. This was the life. She was lying on a table, at a world renown spa with nothing but a warm towel on, with her husband for the rest of the week. Her problems and worries were beyond contemplation for the moment, and she felt better than she had in years. Oh yeah, she had it good. A week ago she would have worried about what the two Asian women who were working on her and Vernon's backs were talking about. But now, she couldn't care less, and found the foreign language a comforting murmur as the last few kinks were worked out of her back.

"Vernon," she said. When he didn't answer she lifted her head up and turned on her side while the Asian woman went to get more body oil. "Vernon," she said again resting her head on the side of the massaging table she was lying on.

"Yes dear?" Heasked as the woman who was currently walking on his back paused to pick up a towel with her foot, she used it to wipe off her hands before jumping down and landing on them. She exited the room, leaving the couple alone.

"What do you think Dudley is doing right now? I feel sort of guilty leaving him home by himself," Petunia said. _Oh Lord no,_ Vernon thought, Petunia always had that longing look in her eyes when she hadn't heard Dudley's voice in more than a few hours. Now she would want to interrupt hervacation to call him. The boy was almost seventeen! Vernon resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

"I'm sure he's fine, it's not staying by himself. He's got Samantha there with him." Vernon regretted saying the word 'Samantha' as soon as it left his mouth. Petunia's eyes narrowed and a frown settled over her mouth. A very sour expression, as it were.

"Suzannah? Oh don't remind me," she said exasperatedly.

"Now Petunia, Dudley's a grown boy. Almost a man now…" _And you need to cut the bloody cord!_ _It's damn unnatural! He's almost seventeen years old! You can't baby him forever! _He thought, not quite daring to say it aloud.

"Almost a man? Ha!" Petunia laughed out loud, even beating her bony fist on the peach upholstering of the massage table she was sitting on.

"Petunia I mean it!" said Vernon sitting up, hisman boobsjiggling with the exertion.

"Vernon calm down, there's nothing worth getting so upset about," she said pulling her robe tighter around her.

"Dear, I hate to quote Roseanne, but,you've put your heart on a shelf. A very high shelf," Petunia surveyed her husband bored, her lips pursed in mild annoyance, "and one day it's going to fall off. And break." Vernon let the words sink in. When Petunia only rolled her eyes and hopped off of the table, he sighed.

There was no getting through to her when she was like this. No matter what you told her, somehow from her ear to her brain, "Lady you need to step off and let Dudley grow up!" into "Dudley is always going to be your baby boy! It doesn't matter if your little pookie ookie stays home until he's forty and never has a life of his own. After all Mummy knows best!" Vernon shrugged and went off to the sauna.

--- --- --- --- ---

"_This man's back is so fat! I can hardly step onto him without sinking down to my knees in this blubber_," Ming said as she took the third step onto Vernon's back.

"_Quiet! Remember last time when that woman with the warts turned out to be a Japanese translator for the ambassador's wife? We almost got fired_," said the woman massaging Petunia's bony shoulders.

"_Yes, but Nyoko and I have a deal worked out. She tells me when there are any ambassadors or translators here and I give her Psalms Body lotion at discount price._" Aiko laughed along with Ming.

"_Ah, this woman is almost as skinny as her husband is fat. It doesn't take a genius to figure out something's wrong there._" They both laughed again.

--- --- --- --- ---

Suzannah opened her eyes and sat up. Judging from her surroundings she had been lying on the floor. She tried to stand up but sat immediately back down, putting a hand to her spinning head. She felt tired, and not just a little disoriented. Her bottom lip trembled as she looked around at the empty skating rink, the faintly glowing ice was eerily quiet, and aside from the concession stand menu, was her only light.

"D-Dudley?" she asked, her breath forming a tiny gray cloud lit by the bluish glow coming from the ice. Her lip trembled a little harder as she heard only the echo of her own voice. She sniffed and tried getting up again. Her kneesfelt as if they had turned towater and she fell back onto the floor again. "Come on!" she told herself angrily, still disoriented. She knew where she was, but had only the faintest clue as to how she had been left in the ice rink by herself. Footsteps echoed off of the high ceiling of the ice rink, and she lay back down, her heart beating hard and fast.

--- --- --- --- ---

"Come on Alton," Perceas hissed from the corner of his mouth. Alton, slow as usual was slackingoff on the job. _If he doesn't get in this damn car in the next five seconds I'll boil him from the inside out_, he thought as he adjusted the rearview mirror of the old junker he had gotten on such sort notice. Two hundred pounds, and he wasn't sure he'd get his money's worth since the thing seemed ready to break down at any second. Not like he'd need it for much longer anyway, but still, two hundred pounds wasn't chump change for awizard without a job.

"Oh Perceas, our little friend seems to have called that great gangling buffoon in to help her in her time of need," Alton grinned insanely as he got in the passenger seat of the car. Perceas rolled his eyes and started the engine. The junker groaned as if on it's death bed -and indeed itwas- and steam issued from the hood of the car.

"Damn!" Perceas shouted as he shut the engine off and opened his car door. He walked around the front and lifted up the car's hood. Alton joined him, not having closed the passenger side door.

"Uh Perceas," Alton said leaning over his shoulder, "I'm not an expert on Muggle technology, but I think something's wrong with the you-tow-mob-I'll." Perceas ground his teeth and searched for the problem. Damned hunk of junk. Of course things were going wrong, just like they had ever since that damned Potter boy had… well you'll see.

--- --- --- --- ---

_"You go left I'll go right, we can cut them off if we hurry," Perceas said to his fellow death eaters, Rufus McGee and Alton Maddox. Rufus gave him a curt nod and they raced off down the hall in the opposite direction. Perceas took in a deep breath and took off in the other. After a while he could hear the running footsteps of the teens he was pursuing through the darkened halls of the Ministry of Magic. _

_"Silencio," he whispered and pointed his wand at his feet, not stopping or even slowing down. The sound of his booted feet on the floor ceased to exist as he sped on towards his quarry. He was a prodigy, his parents -strong supporters of the dark arts if there ever where- even believed he might become the Dark Lord's apprentice. He was good looking, had an imposing physique, talented, had gotten full marks on his auror's exam, and lead a sort of double life. By day he was Perceas Spartan, auror, special agent assigned to the search on Sirius Black. But by night he was a death eater, one of the Dark Lord's most valuable servants. No where near as important as the Lestranges, nor even perhaps as much as Wormtail was to the Dark Lord, but he had plenty of potential, and plenty of the time needed to prove that he could be Voldemort's right hand man._

_"Hurry Harry!" Perceas heard the dreamy voice of a girl say. He grinned, and knew just as soon as he rounded the corner, there he would be. The famous Harry Potter within his grasp. Within the Dark Lord's grasp. He would quickly rise in station as one of Voldemort's most respected supporters._ The man who brought Harry Potter to the Dark Lord_, he thought grinning,_ I quite like the sound of that

_Perceas rounded the corner and tripped flying ten feet through the air and into the wall where the hall way turned yet again. Stars exploded as his head hit the wall, his dreams of glory flushed right down the toilet. _

_"Hurry Harry, while he's down!" Yelled the same girl. Perceas groaned and tried reaching for his wand a few feet away, his depth perception terribly awful as the darkened hallway around him swam in and out of focus, tipping one way and then the other. _

_"Eleviticus Azulansus!" He heard avoice shout and a sizzling sensation starting at the roots of his hair and spreading to the rest of his body in a matter of seconds. The sensations felt almost pleasant, even if they were rendering him immobilized, until the electric shocks started. When the stabbing pains started he convulsed on the floor, his back arching painfully. Black clouded his vision and all he knew was darkness. _

_"Neville what did you do?" Luna asked, her eyes bright with admiration and fear as she stared at the still smoking man. His dark hair had changed to a shocking electricblue and was standing practically on end, blue sparks still racing across his chest._

_"I d-don't really know…good plan though Lu," said Neville and stuck his wand in the front pocket of his robes. Luna smiled, even though her heart was racing at an unhealthy speed. _

_"Don't mention it," she said. Two pairs footsteps echoed off of the walls around them. Luna tried a feeble smile, "Think it will work again?" she whispered. Neville added his own feeble smile to Luna's, and nodded. _

--- --- --- --- ---

_P_r_E_s_S_ t_H_e _R_e_V_i_E_w _B_u_T_t_O_n _Y_o_U_ k_N_o_W_ y_O_u _W_a_N_t _T_o!


	12. Suspicious

**Authors Note**: Well, I'm a lot more satisfied with this chapter than I was with the last, this one was really fun to write, and opened the plot hole for the drunk Lupin and Voldemort part. Although I might change Voldemort to Snape, let me know what you guys think on the matter. Hopefully I'll be getting the next chapter up sooner. I mean I would say I'd get it up by next week, but I think those of you who have been with this story for the last few chapters know that it really isn't a realistic expectation. But reviews make me write faster, and I would really like to hear what some of you would like to see in the next chapters. But I'm working on the next chapter as we speak, so hopefully the updates will become more regular. I'm out, -Crouchingbunny.

--- --- --- --- ---

Dudley opened the back door to the ice rink, after finding the front entrance locked he had ran around to the back exit. His first impression was of being surrounded by darkness. He sucked in air and looked around, eyes adjusting slightly to the lack of light. He walked on down the purple carpeted hallway, confetti walls rising steeply on each side. _Where is she? _He thought, heart jumping, panic making his ears roar. What if something was wrong? What if something had… _gotten_ her?

As he entered the shoeing area, the blue glow of the ice cast a slight light on his surroundings. He stopped and looked around, shivering slightly with the cold, as a white mist rose off of the ice and floated over to him. A slight rasp, as of something sickly breathing in through phlegm coated lungs. He cringed a little, remembering all of the many horror films he had watched. This was the part where he saw the half dead friend, before they told him 'We're, _not alone_.' Dudley squelched the insane notion and continued on. Swallowing deeply, and going against his prominent instinct of getting the hell out of there, he scanned the floor. He saw a mass lying on the floor of the refreshment area, a few feet from the ice. On the other side of the rink. He recognized the pink scarf trailing from the neck.

"Suzannah!" he yelled and ran across the ice. Slipping and sliding on the icy floor, he finally made it across. Needless to say with a few cuts and bruises, but the need to see his girlfriend alive prevailed his aching elbows and bruised knees.

He skidded to a halt, falling once again, he picked himself up and crawled the rest of the way to his girlfriend's body. Her wheezing breath sending a pathetic blue cloud from her slightly parted lips, he picked her up in his arms. Her long blonde hair spilling over the side of his arm.

"Suzannah?" he asked as hewiped a wisp of hair from her face and hugged her against his chest, she was so _cold_. When Dudley heard her suck in a raspy breath, he tilted her head up. She opened her eyelids, revealing unfocused bloodshot eyes.

"Du-u-udley?" she asked in a shaky voice, she coughed into his shoulder when he nodded. _Who could have done this?_ he thought staring warily around the refreshment area. Sets of empty tables and the glow of the menu were little consolation to the growing dread in the pit of his stomach. "I'm," she coughed again, "cold." Her teeth began to chatter, a faint sound magnified by the empty cavernous space around them.

"Shh," he whispered and stood, scooping Suzannah up simultaneously. "Let's get you out of here." Suzannah nodded, then nestled closer to his chest.

--- --- --- --- ---

"WHAT! What do you mean _FIVE MINUTES_?" Larissa Piper yelled into her cell phone. She couldn't believe it! Out of all of the days that her husband would choose to go golfing at the country club, _this_ had to be the day. And the woman working at the receptionist desk was being painfully unsatisfactory.

"Mam, I'm so sorry. But it takes a while for Josh, our course manager to find-"

"QUIET! I don't have time for your little problems! My daughter is in the hospital! I can't believe this incompetence! Mr. Aaron will hear about this!"

"I am sorry Mrs. Piper we- here he is!" The receptionist practically flung the phone at Mr. Piper.

"Larissa? What on earth is wrong?" Mr. Piper asked, pressing his ear to the phone.

"Wrong Clyde? Our daughter is in the hospital! That's what is WRONG!" Larissa screeched into her cell. Lisa sighed and looked at her watch. It was going on five thirty, and she hadn't had anything to eat since that afternoon when she had accidentally swallowed her gum. Her Aunt Larissa screeching into the phone like a mad woman wasn't helping a beginnning headache.Twice a nurse had to come in the waiting room and tell her to be quiet. Needless to say, Larissa Piper regarded the rules, and general quiet nature of the waiting room, as beneath her.

Lisa resisted the urge to yawn and stared solemnly at the floor, she would have to wait until her parents got to the hospital for someone to take her home. Granted, she could have taken the cab, but Suzannah _was_ her cousin. And she was tapped out for the moment, the ride here had cost her. Dudley had left with the police woman after giving his statement, and someway or another Harry had managedto gethome. She briefly remembered him seeing a red haired man in the street, examining a soda can, left on the side walk. After that it was a little fuzzy, as if Harry had waved goodbye and disappeared. Of course she could have just not been paying attention.

"But what are you going to _do_ Clyde? Our little girl has been assaulted by- alright dear. You're first rate." Lisa glanced up at her aunt.

"Well?" she asked. Larissa put the cell phone in her handbag, andupon snapping it shut, smiled and looked at her niece.

"He's going to buy Suzie a car, that pink convertible she has had her eye on." Lisa smiled along with her aunt, _Oh great, Suzie gets another car. Oh joy,_ Lisa grumbled inwardly and stared at the floor again.

--- --- --- --- ---

"Yeah, I'm okay," Harry said into the Dursley's home phone. Hermione had called to check up on him, fortunately none of the Dursley's were home, and she didn't have to pretend to be a saleswoman.

"Just checking. Listen, I have to go. Promise you'll write?" Hermione said.

"Sure, bye," he said and hung up. Harry scratched his head and looked at the clock. 6:07 pm. He groaned and stretched out on the couch. The recent events played lazily through his mind, as he rested his head on a pillow. Looked like he was spending the evening alone in the Dursley home.

He closed his eyes and tried for a nap. Sure, the last few hours had been tiring, he had jumped out of Dudley's car, and helped Dudley put Suzannah in the back seat. Lisa and Harry had taken a cab to the Hospital, well Lisa had gotten out at the hospital and paid the cab to take him home. Or wherever. Try as he might he couldn't get Suzannah's pale face and raspy breath out of his head. He sat up and turned the television on. A high speed chase took the place of the usual evening programs. He groaned and turned it off. The phone rang, and Harry hastily picked it up.

"Hello?" he said.

"Dudley?" It was Aunt Petunia.

"Harry."

"Oh, it's _you_," Petunia sounded less than thrilled.

"Yeah."

"Well? Where's Dudley?" Harry fiddled with the frilly border of a pillow and rolled his eyes.

"He's at the hospital with his girlfriend," he said, surprised that Dudley hadn't called Mama to dish.

"Suzannah? What's… wrong?" Petunia's voice took on an entirely different tone, as if hearing something that could potentially change the course of history. Harry bit his lip and looked out the window. Had he seen someone?

"She, um…" Harry got up off of the couch and looked out into the empty street. A piece of trash floated lazily down the sidewalk, propelled by a stiff wind. He patted his front pocket, checking for his wand. He grabbed it and went to the door.

"Well? What's going on?" Petunia asked again.

"Ice skating, we went skating. And she went to get her purse. When she didn't come back, Dudley went in after her…" he thought he heard something on the other side of the door. He caught his breath and looked through the peephole.

"Dudley went in an abandoned ice rink after that little," Petunia paused and took a deep breath,"go on."

"And he came back with her and, and they went to the hospital."

"…yes?" Surprisingly enough, Petunia was trying very hard to remain calm. _Very_.

"And that's it," Harry saw nothing through the peephole, as soon as he got off the phone he would go outside and investigate. He felt as if he were being watched, even scrutinized, through the peephole, or he could just beparanoid. He had been feeling a little that way lately. Paranoid.He broke away from the door and walked back into the living room.

"And where is Dudley now?" Petunia's shrill voice broke through his reverie.

"He's at the hospital with his, Suzannah." He coughed hastily and wiped his forehead. Maybe he would go and look outside after all. Just to be sure.

"Which hospital?" Petunia asked.

"Um, I don't know. St. Meredith's Presbyterians?" He really didn't know, he hadn't been paying enough attention, when Dudley yelled out the window of his Mercedes to, "Take a cab! I've gotta get her to the hosp-" at that moment the he turned the corner, and wind whipped his words away.

"All right," Petunia said andhung up the phone. Harry threw the phone on the couch and opened the front door. He stepped outside onto the porch, wand at the ready. He couldn't shake the sensation of being watched. If there was anything from his night at the department of mysteries, it was to be prepared. Stay prepared.

The wind ruffled his hair as he stepped out onto the Dursley's lawn after standing there for a moment the sensation of being watched dissipated, and he relaxed slightly. He put his wand in the back pocket of his jeans and surveyed his surroundings. Nothing but an otherwise empty street, with blank windows staring out at him from the neighboring houses, and the light of the Crewman's television coming from a side window. He could just make out the news lady, from inbetween the curtains.

The clouds on the not too distant horizon were a dull navy blue, the wind was hot and humid. Weighing thick in his lungs, it was only early evening but the sky was already dark. After casting a last searching look around Privet Drive, he walked back into the house and locked the door.

--- --- --- --- ---

"Hee ya go mista Duhsley," the bar maid said as she set the glass, filled to the brim with brandy, on the bar in front of Vernon. Even as it clunked on the dark wood of the bar, the liquid frothed over the side and made a small wet ringlet around the glass. The woman sauntered off pausing to give the bartender a wink. Vernon yawned, and took a healthy swig. He set the now half empty glass on the counter, and rubbed at his forehead.

Even if that slip of a barmaid, with a southern accent butchered his name, she served a fine brandy. He was in the bar of the hotel they were staying at. Five star, no less. The bar wasn't very well lit, as most bars are wont to be, and except for the occasional flash of fluorescent light, or stray beam from the disco ball of the dance enclosure, it was the perfect place for a man down on his luck in the love department to ponder the mysteries of life with the bottom of awine bottle.

Vernon sat at a stool, a few spots away from the bartender, a man in his late twenties wearing a black apron. The bar wasn't full, but neither was it empty. A man in black clothing, face obscured by the sheer volume of gray streaked brown hair hanging in front of it, sat slumped over the bar, half empty drink clutched in his outstretched hand. Vernon suspected him homeless, but it was a bar open to the public if they so wished to grace it with their presence. A few other people occupied the surrounding seats, but Vernon chose to ignore them and seek the answers to his questions from the bottom of his brandy glass.

"Drinks on me Chett!" A boisterous middle aged man, with a shockingly full head of blonde hair, Vernon touched the bald patch at the back of his head in shame. A small crowd followed him from the dance enclosure. The bartender looked up from a glass he had been cleaning and grinned.

"Another promotion?" he asked, setting the glass down and stepped up to the drink refrigerator to get the martini mix.

"Nope! I'm getting married!" The man said plopping down onto the seat in front of the bartender, three spots from Vernon.

"Well congratulations! Who's the lucky lady?" The bartender made conversation as he prepped the drinks.

"Charlene," the man said as Chett set a lime green drink in front of him. He downed it in one gulp and smiled.

"Lucky dog," Chett said and continued making the drinks. Vernon waited for his own drink at the expense of the laughing blonde man. He saw the homeless man at the end of the bar, grab the slender stalk of the glass and drink it slowly. He wiped the hair away from his face revealing eye bags to rival the ones Vernon had hosted during his SRD slump. Vernon got up from his seat and moved to the one beside the man, Vernon no longer thought him homeless, although he did smell odd.

"Buck up chap," Vernon said clapping the man on the back. He couldn't be sure but had he heard a _growl_? No, that was absurd. Of course not. The man coughed and pulled the glass closer to him. "You've got to get lucky sooner or later."

"Thank you," he said and licked his lips. Vernon laughed and patted him on the back again. The man nearly capsized until he grabbed the side of the bar to steady himself.

"Don't mention it, we men," Vernon took a swig of his drink, complements of the engaged gentleman down the bar, "in bars, have a connection. Almost primitive, of suffering fools down on their pluck. Luck." He corrected, and blinked. The man nodded.

"Primitive…" he whispered, and stared into the bottom of his glass. "You know what?" he said looking up, his pallid features brightening.

"Yeah?" Vernon asked. The man chucked his glass behind him, and it landed two feet short of the trash can, breaking into a couple of rounded pieces. The man seemed not to notice, but continued on in a drunken speech.

"I'm right… you're right. And I," he paused and searched the room, several people were looking at him, stares attracted by the crash. He looked down at his hands, curled into claws, he relaxed them and took a deep breath. "Need another drink." A chorus of approval echoed in the room. He slapped his hand on the surface of the bar. Attracting the bartenders attention.

"Yes Mr. Moony?" The bartender asked.

"I need another frink, order another frink for all who wants it!" Moony shouted, raising another chorus of agreement, and raised glasses. Vernon smiled happily and clapped Moony on the back.

"You know what Moony? You're all right. You're all right."

--- --- --- --- ---

"Oh Joanna, it's so wonderful," Petunia said into the phone of her hotel suite. A large bedroom with a king size bed, large mahogany dresser in front of the room, complete with big screen television and entertainment system. A large door lead into a master bathroom fit for a queen. Complete with jacuzzi and walk in shower. The right side of the room was a large window sliding door,leading out to a balcony that looked downat the pool. And a glorious view of the sunset, however today the view was obstructed by a mass of dark clouds. She disregarded the slight imperfection and looked up at the ceiling, which was a giant mirror. Petunia lay on the large bed looking up at herself, she looked just like a teenager again, she thought. Twirling the cord of the phone between her fingers, leg bouncing on her knee. The only difference being, she didn't have acne.

"Of course Dear," Joanna said on the other end.

"I know isn't it?" Petunia said and giggled. Joanna had just informed Petunia of a near brush with death Harry had had, with a bolt of lightening. Pure fantasy, of course, but anything to get Petunia into a good mood. Then push her off her pedestal and watch her fall. No really.

"So, heard anything interesting from Dudley lately?" She asked.

"Well, no I haven't been able to get in touch with him. But I talked with the _boy_ and he said he was at the hospital with his little _girlfriend_. I hope nothing is," she paused and narrowed her eyes, "wrong."

"Yes it would be terrible, wouldn't it? Well I have got to fix Frank his supper, he's a little bound up, so I guess I'll have to fix some greens for him."

"Oh yes, that's… nice Joanna. Tell him to drink some hot tea, and sprinkle a little fiber in it," Petunia sat up and scooted backwards to the dresser on the side of her bed.

"Well, have fun at the Spa."

"Of course, don't forget what I said about the tea. It will fix Frank right up, bye."

"Er, right," Joanna hung up the phone and set it on the hook. And began rummaging in the cabinet for the chili mix.

--- --- --- --- ---

"I don't even know if we should be doing this, it doesn't feel right," Alicia said then sighed and let her hand drop from Stanley's shoulder, as he gave her a hurt look.

"It's my parents, my family. Sure we had a falling out, but I still love them." Stanley smiled, flashing a smile that showed the wicked dimples that Alicia had fallen for.

"Your mother still hates me, I mean we can't change that," she said and looked out the window of the car. Stanley still insisted on the muggle transportation, he claimed that apparating made him dizzy.

"Well, your father hates _me_, so I guess that makes us even." Alicia looked into Stanley's brown eyes and started laughing. After they stopped, sobering, she pushed the hair out of her face.

"Let's get this over with," she said. Stanley patted her arm affectionately -if not reassuringly- and stepped out of the car. Alicia sighed and messed with the cuff of her jacket, it wasn't as if she didn't want Stanley's family at the wedding. She just didn't want to have to see them, it wasn't exactly a secret that Stanley's mother and stepfather hated her.

As soon as Stanley knocked on the door, his stepfather opened it. His ice blue eyes blared out athim like hot coals in a fire place, his pallid face falling as if someone had given him sardines when he'd been expecting cherries.

"It's _you_," his gaze roved from Stanley and settled on Alicia, "and _you_."

"Hi Mason," Stanley said smiling brightly, as if nothing was wrong and his family hadn't been ignoring his phone calls for the passed year and a half. Alicia could tell differently judging from how hard his hand was gripping hers.

"Mason who is it?" Alicia heard Stanley's mother say from inside of the house. Mr. Owen glanced once over his shoulder before glaring back at his step son and his fiancé.

"No one dear," he yelled. To Stanley and Alicia a heated whisper, "Go _away_. You know you aren't welcome here any longer." He attempted to close the door. Stanley put his foot in it, and from the sound it made as the door bounced off of it, it probably didn't feel too pleasant. Alicia winced.

"Come on _Dad_," Stanley said keeping the door open a little. Mr. Owen glared at his stepson, face screwed up, trying to keep the door from going open anymore.

"Mason? Is everything all right?" Mrs. Owen again.

"Yes! We don't want anything you're selling!" Mr. Owen tried closing the door again. Stanley groaned and forced it open. Mr. Owen fell backwards, catching himself on the door knob. Stanley took a step into his old home, pulling Alicia in after him. At this moment Mrs. Owen, Stanley's mother walked into the living room.

"Mum, hi," Stanley said, a little shyness creeping into his voice. Alicia let go of his hand, even though she would have rather done anything else. Mrs. Owen stood for a second, taking in her husband -only now righting himself, and jerking his shirt sleeve from the door handle-, and her son and his fiancé standing in the doorway.

"Stanley!" Violet Owen launched herself at her son. Alicia, having seen the Gryffindor girls applying similar tactics in fights over Oliver Wood, put a hand to her heart, or her wand, which was in the front pocket of her shirt. Stanley caught his mother, and hugged her around the shoulders.

"Mom, how've you been?" he asked. Alicia relaxed her arm, slightly, not trusting that Mr. Owen wouldn't tackle her from behind if she let her guard down.

"Oh Stanley fine! Why haven't you called? Why haven't you answered any of my calls? I've been so worried!" She sobbed into her son's shoulder. Alicia glanced at Stanley's step father who swallowed and glared back at her, weasel bright eyes filled with malice and… what was it? Guilt?

"Mom! I have called! Every time I do you either don't answer, or Mason says you're away!" Mrs. Owen broke away from her son, and stood, hands on hips staring at her husband.

"Is this true Mason?" she asked. Mr. Owen, glanced at Alicia.

"The boy is lying Violet. He's never called." Violet also glanced at Alicia, smile quavering a bit.

"He's called Mrs. Owen," she said. Violet disregarded Alicia's remark and turned to look at her son.

"Have you really called Stanley? You aren't lying?" Alicia watched several different emotions race over Stanley's face.

"I'm not lying Mother," he said exasperatedly, "we came to personally invite you to our wedding." Mr. Owen gasped and rolled his eyes.

"You know what Stanley, I believe you," she looked at her husband, "and I _forgive_ you. I know what you did it for, but that still gives you no excuse. Stanley is my son."

"Violet, you can't be serious-"

"We accept, now come in and get some tea. I've just brewed a fresh pot. And supper is in the oven. Baked chicken. Your favorite, Stanley."

"But Violet, you can't let _her_ lot into this house! I… I forbid it!"

"Coming Stanley? … and Alicia?" Violet said over Mr. Owens's ravings. Stanley looked back at Alicia, she shrugged.

"Yes," he said. Stanley grabbed her hand and whispered, "Well?" Alicia hesitated, remembering the pure and unadulterated hate radiating from Mr. Owens eyes. She cleared her throat.

"It went better than I expected."

--- --- --- --- ---

"More sauce Alicia dear?" Mrs. Owen said, now begging Alicia to call her _Mum_, asked her daughter-in-law to be.

"No thank you, Mrs.… Mum," she said. Mrs. Owen smiled and set the sauce bowl back on the table. "Excuse me," Alicia said and got up from her chair wincing as it screeched on the flawless wood floor of the Owens's kitchen.

"Of course dear," Mrs. Owens said and began cutting another large slice from the chicken to slap on Stanley's plate. Mr. Owens sat eating quietly, _abnormally_ quiet in Alicia's opinion. She sighed and went out to the car, feigning checking her 'cell phone'. She didn't even have a cell phone, although she had heard of them from her advanced Muggle Studies class from school, and Stanley had one too.

She opened the door and walked out into the driveway of number 14 Privet Drive. Navy blue clouds hung still on the horizon, and the air was a tad more humid than when they had first arrived. She opened the car door and slipped into the passenger seat.

_Nope, _she thought,_ I am not out here just to get away from my in laws_. She cringed, remembering the way Mr. Owen glanced in her direction every time someone said 'which' in a sentence, or the way Mrs. Owen was sicklypleasant to her. She almost preferred cold indifference as opposed to the sickening falseness of the whole charade. She heard a door slam across the street. She turned her head and looked toward the noise.

A guy, a little younger than she, stood on a lawn surveying the neighborhood. A head of black hair graced his headalong with the glasses. Alicia was vaguely reminded of someone. She squinted her eyes, scrutinizing the boy. He kind of looked like Harry Potter, the seeker from her old Quidditch team. _No_, she thought,_ He's too old to be Harry_. Still, if she wasn't getting married… She looked away promptly and began digging in her purse, looking for the Madame McLain's Headache Salve she kept at the bottom. She had a feeling she was going to need it.

--- --- --- --- ---

PRESS the REVIEW button!

you KNOW you WANT to!

Oh yes, and by the way, if you don't mind, tell me what you want to see in the following chapters. Knowing what you guys want to read is a real big helper! I just HAD to throw in that bit with Alicia Spinnet, we have the same first name. grin-CB.


	13. Bar Room Brawl

**Authors Note**: OMG you guys, it's been too long. Which I'm sure you know better than I do. So I was thinking I'm going to continue this on my 16th birthday and I did. So this is my birthday present to you guys as well as myself because I totally love you all! Thanks for the awesome reviews, and no this is not the last chapter, I still have a few more yet. SO on the the chapter! And thanks for being so patient with me. I'm out -Crouchingbunny.

--- --- --- --- ---

"Suzannah your parents are here to see you," Nurse Burch said opening the door and allowing Larissa and Clyde Piper into the room.

"Daddy! Mommy!" Suzannah said shoving the food tray away from her and lifting her arms up for a hug. Compared to a few hours before, she felt _much_ better. Her breathing was a little ragged and her head was sore, but otherwise she felt almost normal.

"Suzie, don't ever scare us like that again!" They both said. Suzannah felt tears start at the corners of her eyes, and she sobbed into her fathers shoulder.

"I'll try," she said. Nurse Burch quietly closed the door and walked out into the hallway.

"Suzie tell me everything! What happened?" Larissa Piper asked her daughter, sitting frail and tiny once again in the hospital room. Drab white surroundings doing nothing for her spirit. Suzannah bit her lip and shivered, suddenly very cold. All she could remember were shadows, and a bright green eye threatening to spill all of her secrets and lay her bare before it. Exposed and vulnerable she would do anything to have it look away from her. She remembered something about someone laughing hysterically behind her. And that was it. No faces, no words, no help. Then she was in a car helped by Dudley and Harry, and then the hospital.

--- --- --- --- ---

Dudley sat in his room at number four Privet Drive, head in hands he looked as if he were trying to repress some rather unpleasant memories. Which he was. When would he get the call? It had been at least one whole day since he had heard from Suzannah. Lisa had called earlier that morning for Harry who was still asleep. Dudley had almost broken his neck as he jumped from the couch to reach the telephone and had slipped on a pillow, nearly braining himself on the little coffee table where the telephone rested. He staggered to a stop and yanked the phone off the receiver and put it too his ear only to find out it was Harry's girlfriend and not his own. He absently thought his face still held markings of that particular disappointment. He had also forgotten to tell Harry he had a message, remembered, and then neglected to tell him anyway out of spite.

Here he had sat, on the couch in front of the muted television for the better part of a day waiting for a call that had never come. The door bell rang and Dudley got up reluctantly to get it, Harry having went out for a walk. Dudley opened the door and was greeted with the sight of one of his buddies from school.

"Hey Dud, what's crackin'?" Piers said as Dudley stepped aside to let Piers in. "Yo man, what's wrong? You look like Perry and Dennis when they figured out Lisa was cheating on them." Dudley sat down on Vernon's burgundy arm chair and wiped the blonde hair out of his face.

"Suzannah hasn't called. I think she's changed since… you know." Dudley glanced up at Piers before scratching the side of his nose.

"Hey chicks are weird, I mean," he stuttered at Dudley's look, "…you know, except for Suzannah. She's great." He finished and trailed off glancing around the room. Still irrevocably clean.

"I mean… I don't know what to do… I don't know whether I'm coming or going, eating or sleeping…" Dudley said leaning forward with his hands on his knees. Piers sucked absently on his rat-like incisors searching for something to say. Not that he had had much experience with girls, him being so obviously comparable to a rat. But he had heard enough in the locker room to fill in the dark areas. Or so he thought.

"Dude, she's got you wrapped around her finger," he said and then searched for the remote. "When's the last time you went out with me and the guys?" He asked glancing at Dudley all stooped in misery and woe.

"I don't know," Dudley muttered truly not remembering that much before he and Suzannah had started going out. He scratched his head and leaned back in the chair.

"That's right, we miss you Big D. It's not the same without you, we all agree," Piers said and scooted down to the end of the couch to clap Dudley on the back in a reassuring manner. Dudley looked up.

"Well I have missed hanging with you and the guys," he said nodding.

"Great! I mean the city council has started repairing the park down the street, and they have a new sandpit that would be perfect for pushing nerds in," Piers said smiling his rat faced smile.

"Yeah it would be nice for all of us to get together again," Dudley said absentmindedly. Maybe it would take his mind off of Suzannah, and why she hadn't called.

"Yes! I'll call Mitch and Garry, and I think Travis is back in town from Scotland, Johnny and Pat are home too. Oh man, this is gonna be awesome!" Piers said anticipating the late night gallivanting and vandalism of parks and other public facilities of the summer before. Those were the days, he thought to himself.

--- --- --- --- ---

"Do you think a psychiatrist would be of any help?" Mrs. Piper asked Dr. Mallory in the hallway, a steaming espresso in one of her manicured hands. The Doctor looked at his clipboard and glanced through the pages.

"I wouldn't recommend it Mrs. Piper," he said after a moment.

"Why not?" Larissa asked pursing her lips in a displeased manner.

"Well, I would say that the memory is being repressed. Suzannah was in such shock after whatever happened to her that her brain has repressed the reality of what happened." He finished staring Mrs. Piper in her confused blue green eyes.

"So why not therapy? She's obviously going to need this after whatever happened to her… you're still not close to finding out what it was?" Larissa whispered the last part.

"There is the chance that she was in so much pain that her body shut down and that's why she wasn't able to remember, but I would also say that because of this memory being repressed. It could be so shocking so that if she were ever to uncover it, it might make matters worse."

"What do you mean by _worse_?" Larissa asked, wondering if it might be worth it to catch who did this to her daughter. The Doctor sighed and let the clipboard fall to his side.

"She could go into a coma, or lose her sanity," Dr. Mallory looked for Mrs. Piper's reaction, she was stony faced with pursed lips and a cold look in her eyes.

"So that's it then? She can't tell us anything, you can't tell us anything and the damned police sure as hell can't tell us anything." Larissa said temper rising as well as her voice.

"Mrs. Piper, I assure you we are doing everything we can to make sure that your daughter is comfortable. There were no signs of a physical attack, as I have told you, and the police have said that there have been no other cases like this one. They are however looking in on it." Dr. Mallory finished.

"So there's nothing we can do." Larissa stated coldly into the hallway of the hospital ward.

"You can visit your daughter, and make sure she eats and rests. That's all she needs for right now," he said calmly.

"All right then, is it okay if she drinks this?" She asked holding up the steaming espresso. Dr. Mallory smiled reassuringly, thinking whether or not he said yes Suzannah was getting that espresso.

"As long as it's not too hot," he said with a grin.

--- --- --- --- ---

"And then she said I couldn't possibly visit her because she was too tired," Lisa told Janet in the back of a taxi. Janet absently scratched an ear, her round girlish face expressionless and surrounded by a cloud of purplish black hair. Lisa sat on the left side, jean covered legs crossed and twirling a strand of dark brown hair around a cerulean blue fingernail.

"Well she _is_ in the hospital, she probably, you know, needs her rest," said Janet before flipping her poofy shoulder length hair up into a high pony tail. Lisa narrowed her eyes determined to be in a bad temper.

"Don't be surprised if she doesn't want to see us then," she said one-sidedly. Janet mimicked her inside of her head '_don't be surprised if she doesn't want to see us then, boohoo I'm so jealous of my cousin I've got to be a spoiled brat even when she's lying in the hospital having been viciously attacked_,' or at least that's what she had been telling every one.

"Then we'll just go to the mall instead and get her a get well card or something," Janet said nonchalantly as she picked up her compact and examined her makeup. There was always the off chance Dudley might be there, or at the very least some cute college protesters screaming about animal testing and the effect the rubber gloves have on the environment. Hey, she could get lucky twice.

--- --- --- --- ---

Petunia lay back in a relaxing mud bath cucumber slices over her eyes, a small towel held her hair away from the mud. _This is the life_, she thought as she reclined in the volcanic dirt. Nothing to worry about, everything was going _perfect. _As far as she knew anyway. Vernon had come in late last night, fallen asleep on the toilet seat, where she had left him before going down to breakfast to chat with another group of women who she had agreed to meet in the sauna at five. Who would have thought that mud would be so fun, she thought to herself as she laid her head on a bath pillow and relaxed in the sun.

--- --- --- --- ---

Vernon absently chucked a dart at the dartboard, missed the middle and hit the outer circle an inch from the rounded side of the board. He wasn't drunk, but having the time of his life with his new friend Mr. Moony, and another rather rambunctious fellow named Bob with a brassy flat top hair cut. Mr. Moony was again at the bar gulping down a third drink. Vernon who normally didn't approve of drinking ones sorrows, had temporarily forgotten he hated drunkards.

"Wham!" Bob yelled causing a few people at the bar to jump, as the dart hit the center circle of the board. He laughed and clapped Vernon good-naturedly on the back, Vernon jerked forward with each clap. "Yes! In your face! That's Bob three, Dursley _zero_!" Bob punched the air in front of him knocking over and empty martini glass. The bartender scowled and reached for the trash can.

"So it is," Vernon said laughing nervously as Bob punched him rather hard on the shoulder in celebration.

"In your face Dursley!" Bob did a victory dance punching the air with a heavily muscled arm again. Vernon winced and rubbed his shoulder grudgingly beginning to think it was maybe time to go back too the room.

"Well I best get back to the room, the wife you know," he said inching slowly toward the exit.

"Wife? What are you a sissy?" Bob wanted to know poking Vernon in the chest with a finger. Vernon narrowed his eyes sizing up Bob, who was almost a foot taller and while just as broad was muscular in the extreme. Vernon didn't think he could take him, but didn't like getting repeatedly assaulted.

"Now see here-" Vernon straightened puffing out his chest. A few people in the bar looked up and watched the escalating scene.

"Gonna let the wife boss you around fat man?" Bob barked, spit coming off of square teeth and landing on Vernon's white collared shirt. Vernon's face became a steady purple and he clenched his meaty fist grinding his teeth so loudly he could barely hear the astonished gasps emanating from the people in the bar.

"I'll think you to stop insulting me sir," Vernon said barely moving his lips, his fist clenching and unclenching.

"Bring it on Dursley, I'll take you and your momma!" Bob punched his hand and grinned. Vernon narrowed his beady eyes so much that they were only tiny slits in his face.

"Hey, not in my bar!" the bartender said shaking his head and motioning out the door, "take it out on the street."

"Shut up little man, or I'll take you out too!" Bob looked around the room where several people were staring up at them, some even had got up from their seats and were slowly making their way to the door. "What are you clowns looking at?" He barked. "Huh?" No one answered him. Vernon was still seething wanting for all he was worth to take a swing at Bob.

"Not in my BAR!" The tender shouted holding up a crowbar.

"You think that scares me?" Bob said and grabbed the crowbar and jerked it out of the surprised hands of the bartender. Several people full out ran too the exit.

"I'm calling the police!" The bartender said as he ducked under the bar and crawled to where the button was.

"Go ahead call the cops! Be a sissy, and while you're at it ask them if they've found your missing penis," and with that Bob slammed a fist into a man sitting closest to them knocking him onto the floor. Then he slammed head on into Vernon who was pushed back into the bar between two seats as Bob tried to leave.

"Oh no you don't!" someone said, and there was the sound of a scuffle as Vernon struggled to get out from between two bar stools that were nailed to the floor. Mr. Moony looked up from his spot on the bar a few seats down not having noticed anything was going on.

"Moony… help!" Vernon gasped as he struggled between the two seats. Moony got up to help Vernon out from between the two stools.

"What happened?" Moony asked as he tugged at Vernon's arm. Finally Vernon was out from between the two stools that had trapped him. He smoothed his shirt and saw Bob in a brawl with two large cockney lads by the exit. Vernon looked at Moony shook his hand and dove into the fight.

--- --- --- --- ---

**PRESS THE BUTTON!**

**you know you want to.**


	14. Artist Formerly Known as Big D

**Authors Note**: So here's the knew chappie, hope you enjoy. New one up soon. Much of the love, -Crouchingbunny.

**HPDH SPOILER YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!**

_ -just in the authors note, not the story- _

So I'm so totally exited to have read HPDH -which looks totally wierd, am I right?- it took me the better part of Saturday as I didn't get home from the store before 11:30, so I was happy to have been right about the R.A.B. thing as well as the necklace. If not much else. So anyway I was up until four in the morning because I just HAD to see how it all ended up. I'm pretty satisfied allthough I would love for there to be a sequel. And I'm sure I'm not the only one out there clamoring for more. Although I wish HPDH didn't take so many of my faves with it to the grave, I still loved it.

--- --- --- --- ---

"Thanks for the help," Vernon said shaking hands with one of the two cockney boys that had jumped Bob.

"No problem," he said as they both watched the policemen towing the large and pretty formidable Bob into the back of one of their police cars. The lights on top still flashing red and blue. The edges of Vernon's lips curving into a victorious smile under his bushy mustache as he mentally recounted the battle. After he and Moony had jumped Bob and brought the larger man too the ground -largely because of Vernon's superior weight- and the two cockney boys had put him in arm and leg locks and Vernon had sat on top of him until the police had arrived a few minutes later. He grinned all the wider remembering when Bob had tried to make a break for it while an officer was cuffing him and the officers had used their mace guns. _Ah victory is sweet_, Vernon thought as he dusted his hands in a self satisfied way.

"Well Moony, I wish you luck with that Doris girl. I'm off too the room," he said straightening his shirt as he grabbed the jacket from his seat and pulled it on.

"Yeah… thanks," Moony said as Vernon clapped him bracingly on the shoulder and walked out of the bar.

--- --- --- --- ---

"No we seriously do know somebody," Janet said too a guard that was standing outside of the patients wing. The man was at least six and a half feet tall and was basically inscrutable from two other guards standing on either side of a door leading into a long hallway. They were all wearing black suits and sunglasses, their heads were shaved and they were all sturdy as a brick wall.

"We'll see, who do you want to see?" he asked with a thick German accent that might have been sexy if not for the fact that he wasn't letting them go where they wanted to. Lisa narrowed her eyes and flipped her long straightened hair behind a shoulder before looking up into the guards face.

"Suzannah Piper, daughter of Larissa and Clyde Piper, my cousin." Lisa crossed her arms in front of her chest and took in a breath her irritated blue eyes daring the man to contradict her. She could feel Janet shaking a little nervously beside her as she checked out the guards by the door as she glimpsed a gun holster as one of the guards moved.

"_Wir haben zwei Mädchen, die wollen, a zu sehen Suzannah Piper_," he said quickly into a tiny microphone Lisa hadn't noticed before that was sticking out of his collar.

"What are your names?" he asked staring down at them from two feet above.

"Lisa Piper," Lisa said tapping a foot on the white floor of the hospital.

"J-janet Mulrooney," Janet stuttered as she glanced around the room sure the guard was staring at her from behind his sunglasses and was fixing to tackle her at any moment if she made any sudden movements.

"_Sie sagen, dass ihre Namen sind Lisa Piper und Janet Mulrooney_," he touched a black earpiece and his face remained stoic under the wordless criticism of Lisa and Janet. Lisa resisted the urge to just walk up to the door and demand to be let in. "_Ja, man hat lange braunes Haar und blaue Augen, der andere ist kurz und hat schwarzes Haar auch blaue Augen. Sie sehen sich sechzehn um_." Lisa tapped her foot a little harder hoping the mans earpiece would crackle and electrocute him. Of course, she would have been very sorry had she in anyway caused this… albeit after she had her way.

"What is Suzannah's dog's name?" he asked surprising Lisa and Janet both.

"Pretzel, now can you let us through or do we have to get frisked?" Lisa said scathingly and even more irritated than before.

"_Ja sie brachte es in Ordnung_," he said into the mouth piece. Lisa rolled her eyes and took a step toward the doors where she was sure she saw the two guards stiffen and widen their stances. Sensing she better stop she scowled and stopped.

"Hello? Can we go now?" she said impatiently bad tempered. Janet nudged her in the arm.

"Be quiet, you're going to get us shot!" she whispered fiercely paranoid. Lisa elbowed her harshly in the ribs for being such a paranoid dork. Janet hissed in pain and stomped on Lisa's foot. The scene might have escalated had the guard not intervened.

"Step over here please," the guard said motioning to the wall beside of the doors. Lisa's jaw dropped realizing she was about to be frisked as she assumed the position.

--- --- --- --- ---

"Hey Big D remember this?" Piers said as he pointed out a missing swing and uprooted merry go round of the deserted park on Magnolia crescent. Dudley nodded glancing around at the smiling faces of his old gang.

"Yeah it took about ten minutes but we finally tipped it over," Travis said sitting on the lip of the slide. The rest of the gang nodded reverently lost in the memories of the place.

"And look over there, look! Our names are still on the bottom," Mitch said pointing to the merry go round a few feet to the right of him. Dudley glanced over at it and indeed the names were still written on the tarnished dirty metal. He skimmed over it searching for his name, **BIG D **in big blocky letters in the middle of all the other signatures. Of course they had all used their nicknames, not daring to connect themselves in any way that could be immediately linked back to them.

Dudley sighed thinking how much stuff could change in a year. He didn't enjoy being with his old gang half as much as he used to. It was like they had already done everything last year that was worth doing and now, the only thing they had to do was reminisce on the old times. Suddenly Dudley felt older than he had a right to feel. He stood up deciding to go back home and see if Suzannah had called.

"Big D where are you going?" Piers said spotting Dudley moving toward the street. Dudley turned around and shrugged.

"Home," he said nonchalantly. The rest of the gang looked up at him astonished. All six faces openmouthed and slack jawed.

"Home?" Piers repeated as if the very idea seemed repulsive.

"Yeah… home," Dudley said about to turn around.

"But I stole this pack of cigarettes and we were all about to light up," he said abashed as he pulled out a pack of Camel and a lighter and stuck a cigarette into his mouth. The rest of the gang looked from the cigarettes to Dudley who merely glanced back down the road.

"No, it's getting late, I'd better get home," he said and started off down the road barely aware it wasn't even eight. The cigarette dangling from Piers mouth fell and landed in a puddle of muddy water, but Piers barely noticed as the gang watched Dudley, formerly known as Big D disappear around the curb hands in pockets.

--- --- --- --- ---

"So you're saying we went through all of that to come in here and she's _sleeping_!" Lisa said glancing over at Suzannah's peaceful form glowing in the light of the lamp doing all she could not to run over and strangle her in her sleep.

"I'm sorry dear, I'll tell her you both dropped by, I was just on my way out myself," Larissa said and Lisa noticed that her Aunt had her black Gucci purse on her shoulder and her sunglasses were already pulled over her eyes from their usual resting spot atop her head.

"That's fine Mrs. Piper," Janet said grimacing at the thorough way the guards had searched them. Although that crick in her back was gone.

"You're a sweet girl Janet," Larissa said glancing at her watch. Janet's cheeks flushed with the compliment.

"Thanks," she said smiling. Lisa scowled and glared at her cousins annoyingly peaceful face.

"Well I've got to get going, I'm having supper with your mother," she said glancing at Lisa. "I'm sure it's all right if you sit by the bed for a couple minutes, just be sure and turn out the lamp before you leave." And with that Larissa had waved goodbye to the two girls and walked out of the door.

"I can't believe I let that overgrown behemoth paw all over me for nothing," Lisa said ill temperedly as she plopped down on one of the many chairs in the dim light of her cousins room.

"Well I'm going to go and get a Dr. Pepper from the vending machine I saw down the hall, do you want something?" Janet said not wanting to be around Lisa when she was in such a bad mood. Also to text Sarah, Allison, and Blair to tell them that she'd practically been felt up by some German body guard.

"No I don't want anything, when you get back let's go," Lisa said and as soon as Janet shut the door behind her she put her head in her hands and massaged her temples pondering over her ill fate.

--- --- --- --- ---

Harry walked home from his long walk around the surrounding neighborhoods hungry and terribly morose as he had began to think once again about the death of his godfather. He missed Hogwarts already and had scarcely been gone four days. This summer was going to be long, he felt it in his bones. As he crossed Nougat Drive onto Magnolia Crescent he heard a few lowered voices conversing in the half dark of the evening. He slowed to an even slower pace and saw a few people gathered in a tight circle twenty yards from him in the park. He stopped and lowered himself to a crouching position determined to have the element of surprise if they were death eaters. Grasping his wand in a white knuckled hand Harry crawled closer to hear what the group was saying. As he stopped behind a tree a few feet away he strained his ears to hear exactly what was being said.

"Yo he wasn't always like that," said one voice.

"He totally deserted us," another one.

"I can't believe he'd choose her over us, bros before ho's right?"

"I say we give him another chance, I mean his girlfriend is in the hospital-"

"When's the last time he talked to you outside of class?" Harry thought he recognized that voice, although by this time he realized these people weren't plotting his downfall. Or at least he hadn't heard _that_ part of the plan. Harry let out a silent breath of relief as he sagged against the tree and slid down a couple inches into the moist earth. He was getting a little tired of being on edge all of the time.

"Then we're agreed, it's us or her," said a voice that Harry had no trouble recognizing. _Piers,_ he thought risking a glance around the side of the tree to make sure. His suspicion confirmed by the light of six cigarettes Harry turned back around obscuring himself from view again. But what was Piers and Dudley's old gang doing plotting revenge on someone in the park during the evening?

"Big D's our friend, what if-" and with a start Harry realized they were talking about Dudley. _What!?_ Harry thought bewildered, Dudley's old cronies were plotting something with out him… then it hit him. '_Girlfriend in the hospital_' Harry was fairly certain that Suzannah was still in the hospital. Harry stayed to listen to the rest but apparently the meeting was over as the gang set out into the street. What on earth was going on? Suzannah was annoying at times but he didn't see what she could have done to make Dudley's old gang so mad. One thing for sure, he had to tell someone.

--- --- --- --- ---

"Yeah, hold on I'm coming," Lisa said to Janet as she snapped her cell phone shut in angry frustration as she found her voicemail and inbox empty. Was everything and everyone on earth compiling together to make her life utterly intolerable? She wouldn't have doubted it. Lisa paused for a second before turning the lamp off and leaving her sleeping cousin in the dark. As they walked down the hallway Lisa saw a man getting the same treatment that they themselves had gotten from the large German guards at the beginning of the hallway. Lisa considered going through another exit down another hall and saw more guards at the end of that hallway as well. Scowling they walked down the other way deciding to go out the way they had come.

"Hello, I mean who exactly is here that the hospital requires so much attention anyway?" Lisa asked agitated and suddenly curious as to who was inadvertenly causing her so much grief.

"Well I heard two nurses talking about the German Ambassador in here recuperating from a hip transplant." Janet said although it would probably be switched to sex change before she called someone. Say or do anything else about Janet but she was a heartless gossiper when you got down to it. At least she wasn't a bitch like some people we know.

"I hope they left the surgical scissors in him," Lisa muttered scarcely realizing she was saying it before they turned a corner and Janet and Lisa ran into a tray filled with bed pans which tipped precariously and Lisa felt her blue eyes widen in disbelief and horror as the contents of said tray was spilled upon herself and Janet. The resounding crash and screeches of the two girls brought the body guards running leaving the guy they had been questioning standing at the doors which he slipped surreptitiously through unbeknownst to anyone else as they were all searching for the source of the screams and crash. It just wasn't Lisa's day.


	15. Wendel?

**Authors Note**: So peeps expect a little more plot in the next chappie. I promise it WILL speed up, so forgive the somewhat slow pace of this chapter. Anyway, I know in HPDH it tells the actual years, but since I've written the story like it's in the current time please forgive the mistake which I have no intention of correcting. If anyone has any suggestions I'm open to them, -CB.

--- --- --- --- ---

"Yeah, hold on I'm coming," Lisa said and snapped her phone shut, she walked to the door and turned off the lamp before going out the door and letting it swing lightly shut. At the sound of Lisa and Janet's shoes tapping lightly down the hallway Suzannah's eyes opened and she sat up in her bed and pushed the covers off of her, careful not to disrupt the wires that were connected to her arm and chest regulating her pulse and etcetera.

She was wearing an old t shirt she had bought at the county fair two years before, and black pajamas with gold polka dots. Her school colors. She reached into the air stretching her arms and twisting her back as she remained seated on the crisply white hospital bed. Suzannah had been feigning sleep all through out her mothers visit as well as her cousin and friend. She just wasn't in the mood to talk with any one. Their uncertain eyes and empty suggestions had begun to grate on her nerves. They all treated her like she was different, and maybe she was. But that still didn't mean that they had to treat her differently, as if she were about to collapse in a puddle and splatter on their shoes.

Suzannah sighed and glanced around the dim room, she got up and walked toward the window glancing through the blinds down at the parking lot three stories below. Letting the blinds snap shut behind her she walked toward her purse and grabbed her cell phone. The hot pink razor felt nice and calming in her hand as she flipped it open and checked her messages. Four from Dudley, and three from various concerned friends. She flipped it shut and sat on the bed wishing sorely for something to eat besides nasty hospital food. Her stomach grumbled accusingly at her as she sat back down on her bed, the mattress crinkled in an unlived in way as the metal contraption holding it groaned. Hospitals are boring, she decided as she squeezed her phone. Her door creaked open and she lay quickly back on the mattress in case it was Lisa or Janet coming back for something they had left.

The fluorescent light from the hall way spilled into her room and hit the curtain that was halfway pulled back from the wall distorting her vision as she saw a shadow move slowly in her room before the door was quietly closed and the shadow disappeared. Suzannah closed her eyes and held her breath. Slow footsteps made thier way around the room and she heard the breathing of the shadows owner as he walked around the room. It didn't occur to Suzannah that the nurses only checked on her every hour or so, and the nurse had left twenty minutes ago after chatting with her mother for five minutes.

Opening her eyes a slit she saw a boy scarcely her age, if that old, glancing over the machines and when his eyes flew over her in a panicked way she mumbled a jumble of sleepy nonsense and snuggled deeper into her pillow. The boy's dark eyes flitted from her over to the closed blinds where he peeked through the slits in them before sitting down in a chair a few feet from the machines monitoring her. He glanced around the room and even got up once to look under her bed and open the cabinets. Suzannah's heart raced as she realized he could be one of _them_. -You know, Perceas and such?- She squirmed and wrinkled her nose in fear, thinking of that eye. That terrible mossy green eye that was… that was…

Several plugs were ripped from her arm and with a suction like sound the one on her chest was separated from her skin as well. She froze with fear and took in a deep quavering breath before moving and then bolting up from the hospital bed staring around the room with frightened blue eyes.

--- --- --- --- ---

"Did Dudley answer the phone when you called?" Petunia asked her husband as they boarded the train that would take them into London where they would catch a taxi home.

"I got the answering machine," Vernon mumbled as they walked along the aisle trying to find a vacant compartment. Locating one with Petunia's arm wound through his elbow they shuffled into the compartment.

"That's odd, maybe he's visiting that _girl_," Petunia said through a tightly clenched jaw, her horsy teeth gnashing together. Vernon patted his wife's hand reassuringly as he helped her to sit down.

"You know Petunia your father wasn't at all fond of me at first, but then we got married," Vernon said as he looked out the window at the countryside flashing by.

"Yeah _at first_," Petunia mumbled sarcastically.

"Didn't catch that dear, what was it again?" Vernon asked looking blankly at his wife.

"I was just saying that daddy didn't want you to get involved with me because of course, an older man, and… we were in love… and you had a good job…" Petunia said while slowly something donned on her. The reason Dudley liked Suzannah was because she represented to him a life that he had never experienced. Suzannah's family were upper class, while the Dursley's were of course upper middle class by any standards weren't half as rich as the Pipers who's _tiny _shop in London administrated sixty other stores all over the UK.

"Petunia dear, you all right?" Vernon asked looking over his wife who had a frozen expression on her long face. "Petunia?" He nudged her in the shoulder.

"Oh, what Vernon?" Petunia said snapping out of a reverie.

"Nothing, you looked a little pixilated is all," Vernon said lamely.

"Oh I'm fine, just thinking." Petunia stated smiling to herself much like a fox who had just eaten every chicken in the coop and was looking down at the confused farmer from a hill beyond his farm.

"About what dear?" Vernon asked as he settled deeper into the plush red leather of the seat.

"Never you mind dear, everything is going to be all right," Petunia said slowly and slyly as she patted Vernon's hand.

--- --- --- --- ---

"Get out of the way you idiot!" Lisa screeched as she barreled her way through the crowd of college protesters that had been gathered around the entrance of the hospital. Marching between the rose bushes and crape myrtles that the landscapers had deemed a reassuring attribute too the hospitals large and rather picturesque build.

"The antisthetic you are using have been tested on animals! Stop animal testing!" One protester said her long unconditioned hair glinting in a brassy way in the setting sun. Janet cringed and resisted the urge to recommend several hair products to the unfortunate woman.

"I said get out of the way, or I'm going to call the cops on you!" Lisa yelled at a skinny man who had immediately started listing the positive attributes of hemp as opposed to wool which the shearing of course, was cruel.

"Don't let them tell you what to do man, the chemicals mess with your braaaain," he said waving his index finger around his ears and rolling his eyes in a loony way.

"Shut up," Lisa said and elbowed her way out of the crowd leading Janet to fend for herself several feet behind in her scrubs.

"Lisa wait up! Lisa!" Janet yelled above the screaming crowd. Spotting Lisa's mint green scrubs several feet away through the many bodies that surrounded her. Along with everything else that happened that day, a tray of bed pans had splashed their contents all over her as well as Janet, and she had been given scrubs along with many apologies. Lisa had thrown her jeans and shirt away and donned the scrubs with a few choice words about the aid who had caused the incident to occur, as well as a promise to complain to the manager, forgetting she was in a hospital and not a restaurant.

"What do we want?" The long haired woman yelled.

"Synthetic materials not tested on animals!" the crowd of protesters yelled in answer.

"When do we want it?" Janet cringed and tried pushing her way out like Lisa had but succeeded only in irritating a large hairy woman who's arm pit hair stuck resolutely out from under said appendages.

"S-sorry," Janet muttered before ducking under an arm and wading back into the throng of people.

"NOW!" everyone shouted back. Janet shook her head and looked for another way out just as soon as a fine misty spray came down from the sky.

--- --- --- --- ---

"Don't scream please don't scream, please!" The boy whispered from the floor entangled in several wires. Suzannah glanced down at him realizing he was younger than her and she let out a relieved breath.

"Who are you?" she asked. The boy lifted himself up off of the ground and hopped one legged out of the wires almost falling over in the process. Suzannah surveyed him from her seat on the hospital bed with the air of nonchalance even though scarcely seconds before her heart had been hammering a vendetta against her rib cage.

"Swindler," he mumbled as he regained his balance and looked up at her. He was thin and barely met her eyes from her seat. "Wendell Swindler," he said straightening under her raised blond eyebrows.

"Why are you in my room?" she asked, still projecting an air of nonchalance secretly glad the tables had turned for what she felt was the better.

"I, uh… hiding," he said shrugging after a second.

"From who?" she asked now curious as to what he could be hiding from in a hospital… the worst thing she could think of was nosy visitors with ulterior reasons for visiting. Such as her dad's business partner's son Craig Wisenheimer who had been hoping for a promotion for several years and only made everyone in the room feel awkward as he commented on how he would have decorated the lobby differently while sneaking surreptitious looks at her for signs of drug overdose. Suzannah cringed at the thought of those shrewd weasel like eyes glancing over the machines and her forearms before Craig announced that he had to leave.

"So what are you in here for?" Wendell asked before brushing himself off and taking a seat in on of the many guest chairs around the room. Suzannah sighed forgetting she had asked Wendell a question, as she rolled her shoulders and flapped her arms awkwardly.

"I don't even know myself," she said and then too his inquiring look told him about the eye. "So now I'm here and I don't remember anything that's happened since then." She finished half hoping he would say something reassuring and the other half hoping that he would look at her just like everyone else did with those uncertain fleeting moments of disgust in their eyes just so she could scream at him to get out and throw things at him. That part also longed to do those things to the other people that she was related to, but couldn't bring herself to do so.

--- --- --- --- ---

"Where'd _you_ go all day yesterday?" Dudley asked Harry huffily from the couch in front of the TV the morning news talking about a dog from Surrey that saved an old man from a wild boar on a camping trip. Harry shrugged his shoulders and walked into the living room.

"Just walking around," he said. Although he had used a pay phone to call Hermione a few blocks away. "Actually I heard some guys in the park talking about you," he said lightly.

"Really," Dudley said without really giving it any thought as he stared at the television screen. Harry sighed and rolled his shoulders.

"They were talking about you and Suzannah actually, nothing good," he said slowly maybe Dudley was ignoring him, which probably wouldn't be anything out of the ordinary.

"I don't care," Dudley said miserably. Suzannah still hadn't called. Not even once. He might have to go and see her, they might have taken her cell phone away.

"They said they were going to get back at you or something," Harry said brows furrowing a little. Dudley sat staring at the television, a skinny woman with a short blonde bob was babbling about traffic in London.

"Just thought you might want to know," Harry said before stalking into the kitchen for some breakfast.

--- --- --- --- ---

**PRESS THE BUTTON YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO!**


End file.
